OWN A PIECE OF THE BERG

PROFESSOR AMBROSE PENWOSE, Kiwi

OWN A PIECE OF THE BERG

I seem to have fallen victim to a scam, which I am now giving you notice and warning. The above was sent to me in an unopened sealed envelope with postage due and no apparent collateral damage. As always I had one of my most nonessential staff open the package from a safe distance. When he returned with only his usual limp I deemed the letter “Safe to read,” and read it.

The headline was printed boldly and obviously meant to entice weaker minds than mine into its clutches. Only curiosity drove me forward.

Apparently they found the very same iceberg that sung The Titantic years ago and were selling off pieces to the public of whom I have always considered myself an essential part of.

I must admit I was tantalized, but cautious. The average man, of which I am not, is easily duped, but not I. I would require further stuff before transacting a transaction.

They had letters of recommendation recommending them and a reference from the King and Queen who stated they had several pieces themselves and used them for cocktail parties.

Well, I must say The King and Queen did it for me. I jumped in with both feet so to speak, called the number in Uganda, and ordered the largest chunk available. They asked my preferred method of payment. I smiled..

Here is where I am way above average. I know that others, among others, have ways of scanning accounts and acquiring various bits of personal information which they use to bleed your finances.

To thwart that I sent them a direct, One Time Debit, line to my private account with Carte Blanche provisions covering the entire sale and insuring rapid response with a little extra for shipping and handling.
I even got in on a 2 for 1 deal by waiting and acting quickly.

The next few days were met with high anxiety.

When the package came I was overjoyed! I almost opened it without using one of my most nonessential staff, but I did not. At the last moment I relegated the unwrapping.

Good thing, it blew up!

Obviously not the ice berg. I get so much junk mail.

Finally the right package did arrive and there was nothing in it but a puddle of water?

I called them and they said it must have melted. They hung up.
A gong went off and I realized a scam. I called them back and the line was dead. I phoned my bank to stop payment but the robot said I had nothing left to stop payment on.

I took the package and put it in the icebox. It froze again but looked nothing like an iceberg. Perhaps I need some sort of mold?

Now I sit here, head in hand, feeling like a fool. At least I’m the only one who knows about it…except for you folks. I guess I’ll just delete this article…

DAMN! I just hit SEND.

Penwose Out
By George
NoPo8

I used to think I was indispensable until I was dispensed.