Stop peoples from spying on you

Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi

Anti Eavesdrop

I detest those disgusting people that listen in on conversations.
They are easy to spot in public places such as coffee shops and restaurants. Just say something profound and watch their reactions.
Mumble and watch them move closer.
I’ve tried various abstract scenarios to thwart their nosy snooping.
Once while in a pub with my mates enjoying a grog and a bite to eat after the Fox and Hound Follies, I spotted such an old bitty easing in on us. I motioned for the lads to play along and began to hatch a plot to kidnap and ransom The Queen.
She got up and left abruptly, much to our laughter, yet came back with a Bobbie who took us off to The Yard without even allowing us to eat our desert, and we spent the next three days in the pokey where in lieu of a loo we had to pee in a pot, which at least kept us from saying we did not have one. We finally proved our innocence and all of us saw the experience as, in American laymen’s terms, a bit of a fireback.
I suggest something less unlawful.

HighPathetical situation.
I came up with the perfect anti eavesdrop synopsis. When a nebby nuisance sticks her nose in my business I pretend to be a Gentlemen of Stature with celebrity status and uncomfortable with public revelry. I act like a pompous pedigree of sorts saying things like,
“Oh My Goodness, here comes more fans, I hope they do not flock over for autographs. All I want is to enjoy a meal in peace. Why can they not leave me alone?”
I make sure to say it loud enough to be heard.
I snicker inside at the thought of them trying to figure out who I am. It must drive them crazy not to be able to act on it without being realized as a snoop.

I’ve used that procedure many times with great success and mucho merriment for I and my peers, however more often than not I am by myself as I notice a patron of the nosy persuasion.
In the past I was helpless to do anything about is short of talking to myself, which has its disadvantages.
I’ve entered the electronic age and I like it.
Now as I sit in a booth alone beside a big-eared benefactor, I merely use my mobile cell phone to pretend to be talking to someone.
It’s bloody marvelous!
Please, no autographs.

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8