I met a bear!

BEAR ENCOUNTER

I was hiking the upper regions of Zion National Park, in the beautiful state of Utah, when I came across four emotional guys from New York City, coming from the direction I was going.
Apparently this was the first time they were west of Jersey and new to, The Outdoors.
“We thought bears were hyphonating?” one of them said, “But we just ran into one!”
You mean hibernating? I asked.
“Yeah, whateva, but it really doesn’t matter wut ya call it, cause they’re not.
The fat one was holding a rag over his eyes. I asked what was wrong with him?
“He had a lergic reaction to Bear Repellant.”
Bear Repellant?
“Yeah, when we met the bear we all ran. He’s the slow one and the bear was going to get him so he sprayed the Bear Repellant.”
Another said, “He thought it was like moskito repellant and sprayed it on himself.”
He was supposed to spray it on the bear, I said.
“Really? They all gasped.
Yeah, really.
I told them to get him some medical attention and they went on their merry ways.

Further down the trail I ran into the bear. It was a female with three cubs. As I got near she came at me obviously protecting them. I stopped and held out my hands in a nice way saying, “You have very cute kids! Don’t worry, I won’t bother them.”
She kept coming.
I held my walking stick like a sword aimed at her and said, “ONGUARD!”
She stopped and sat down staring at me as though she was expecting me to perform. She probably thought I’d spray myself like the Bronx guy?
I started twirling the stick like a sword as Zorro and the other fancy swordsmen did in the movies.
She seemed impressed.
I was impressed myself actually. I’d never done that sort of thing before and was amazed at how good I was. I spun the stick every which way, behind my back, under my leg, from one hand to the other. Everything was going fine until I dropped it.
She came at me again!
I wondered what it was she could be after? Then realized she must have wanted my identity, (which was a bit crazy as she was a female. How could she expect to pass for me?)

What else could it be, right?

I held up my hand in the international, and interspecies, jester to stop!
She stopped!

I turned out my pockets and showed her they were empty, and I did not have my wallet.

She left!

I continued down the trail.

On the way back I looked for her and her cubs, but did not see them.
I was thankful that I left my wallet behind in my vehicle…
Until I met a man on the trail selling ice cream.

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8