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String theory defies gravity
Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi
STRING THEORY
Napoleon once said, “Give me enough string and I can conquer the world!” We do not know what he was thinking, but apparently he never got it.
As annoying as Sheldon was, one of the things he annoyed us with most often was String Theory, a perception dealing with string which has only one dimension of significance that being length. It seems the thickness of the string itself, in the theory does not matter, although in reality it does.
Later I watched a docudrama dealing with string. Two brothers inherited a string factory, a house, and a mouse. Their dead father’s theory was, “A WORLD WITHOUT STRING IS KAOS.”
I can see that.
Shoes would fall off without string.
I saw this as a fitting subject to write about and did a search. My findings included many books on the subject and I made my usual selection, a book entitled String Theory for Dummies. I have read many of books for Dummies but none of the dummies I know, including myself, can understand this one. It seems to be geared for a higher class of dummy, of which I am average at best. I started to fall asleep with the little pieces of string unattached.
We learn nothing from theories so I am not impressed. A fact within the theory says there are two different kinds of string, Open String and Closed String. Closed strings go nowhere and are the results when the ends of open strings are attached. Open strings can stretch to infinity if enough strings are attached to them.
Knots would not exist without string.
There would be no electricity without string. The key that lightning struck, on the kite that Franklin flew, was made possible with string.
Little know historical fact…Franklin had to change the front door lock on his house because the key was fried. Today that would have been a problem because he had to relieve himself, but in those days the place for that was out back.
Modern physics has two basic scientific laws: quantum physics and general relativity. String theory attempts to unify the two theories by becoming Theories of Quantum Gravity. We have no idea what they are talking about and are not going to waste our time on theories.
Physicists began to realize that string theory may just be able to explain gravity and the behavior of particles. String easily defies gravity, when attached to a kite. Likewise the kite must be attached to string. Neither is possible without the other. Once the string is severed gravity prevails. This principal, although fact, has been theorized by some scientists, with low operating budgets, as a no-fuel or frills method of space travel.
I should think Rope Theory would be stronger? But of course that is just a theory.
Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8
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However, as a result of recent events, I do have my own "string" theory. You know that string that gets caught in your teeth or beneath your gum because of that, God forbid, cavity developing as a result of hated "bone loss." Creating a black hole where everything you eat falls into. Most often it is that string that seems to be a natural part of celery. You know, smack dab in the middle is this cord that is so strong, that a tongue pulling on it from underneath a tooth can become raw trying to pull the damn thing out without a toothpick or floss in sight.
Speaking of floss, it is string. So my theory requires string to remove string. Actually, that damn celery string, if tied together by proper square knot, into a long enough line, could easily be used for fishing… Stronger than a monofilament fishing line. But I digress. My string theory requires string to remove string and remove the sting of my poor tongue becoming cut, worn out, and sore after a punishing workout trying to remove celery string from my universe's black hole… So there!
Bye, George,
Ron