Its all Greek to me?

Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi

I bought a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey for my cousin’s birthday. That’s about all him and his father drink so I figured he’d be getting lots of bottles…but what the hell it’s whiskey, it’s not going to go bad.

If he puts it in alcohol it’ll last forever.

I attached one of those little airplane bottles of the same stuff with a note, “This is for your Dad!”

Yesterday was bagel/shopping day. As I previously told you I’ve been going to Einstein’s for a better status bagel. As you also know I have ways of lowering my status at the same time, which I would probably do by using the real name of Einstein Brothers Bagels, because the brothers were virtually unknown until they started making bagels, whereas EINSTEIN is Magical!

I like cream cheese. They do not have cream cheese. They have a conglomeration known as Shmear. There are various ways to spell it but I usually go with, “Bagel.”
As for Shmear, I have no idea? I understand it is Yiddish, which is all Greek to me?

Yesterday I walked up smartly to the order place, (I’ve been there several times before…all of the first time jitters are gone, and I know the procedure,) and said, “I’ll have a Bagel and Smores.”
“We do not have that.”
“You do not have what?”
“What you said.”
“What did I say?”
“You said Smores?”
“I did not!”
“Yes you did.”
Long pause.
“Can I get a Bagel and Smores?”
“No!”
“I’ll have a Bagel and Shmear!”

I got it, it was good, I ate it and left.
I don’t know how I affected my status in general, but I’m sure I did it no good inside the store, and for the fist time I wished Julius was not orange. I felt them watching me and know they will see me coming next week.
I’ll park around the corner!

I know what’s going to happen. I’ll forget, and park in front of the store and won’t remember till I get a scrawny bagel.

Status is so hard to keep up!

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8