No way I'm buying another chicken that big!

Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi

Today is food shopping day, with a first stop at Einstein’s Bagels.
I had to concentrate on not ordering Smores instead of Shmear on my bagel.
I did it! I was proud of myself.

I like to watch people order as I sit eating my bagel with a cup of coffee.
Some act as though they never saw a bagel before…They stare at them in the display case.
“Do you have doughnuts?”
“No, we sell bagels.”
“Dunkin Donuts has bagels.”
You know the clerk was thinking, “Then why are you here?” but he didn’t say anything, he just smiled.
Another patron had changed his order from one kind of bagel to another and his server was asking him, “Do you still want the Pepper Onion Shmear on it?”
He asked her, “Just what is that?”
“Ah, that’s Shmear with Onions…Chives and ah…(It alluded her)…Ah Peppers!”
I think her brain was like a carousel and she had to wait for it to come around again.
He said “Yes.” And everyone was happy.

I left and was off shopping. Things went well at Walmart, And Total Wine and More. I got everything I wanted and some of what I needed.

At Albertson’s things were different. I had to be careful. I thought I was not afraid, but I was! I could only move slowly as I edged toward the chickens. They were sitting there in cartons with their heads chopped off, roasted and ready to eat. I was not ready to eat them. They were for tomorrow and the night after. I knew nobody would know.
A lady asked if she could help me?
I looked admiringly and said, “I’m ready to eat them!”
“They’re ready to eat! Would you like a big one?”

I FREAKED OUT…”NO NO! KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME! THEY’RE HUGE LIKE MONSTERS! AIN’T NO WAY I’M BUYING ANOTHER ONE LIKE THAT!

“How about a regular size on?”

“OH yes, that’s nice, I’ll take that one.”
And so I did.

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8