Put me down for 50 quid

I hear you are selling your newspaper for the lofty sum of zilch?
I am prepared to double or even triple that.
Seriously, put me down for 50 quid. I’m not British but I just learned how they talk.
Of course that offer is contingent on me finding suitable lodging at similar prices.
I realize you only work two days a week, which is a farthing more than I am accustomed to, however I hope to find a staff willing to work quid pro quo, or nothing whichever is less.
I have always wanted to live in Alaska, (Not really but it sounds good in the rhetoric…at least I am honest.)
Is there a suitable airport near town? If so send me suitable first-class passage and I will arrive when I do for inspection purposes.
I’m assuming there is indoor plumbing? If not that could be a deal breaker…correct that…It IS a deal breaker!
I write an almost daily humor column that you are free to use whatever day you choose. Please inform the new owners, (If not me, I already know,) about the column and I will ad them to my mailing list which is about to eclipse page one.
Thank You, Thank You Very Much.
By George