Why I don't carry a gun

Reputation
Why I don’t carry a gun
A slightful insight to being well known

As I was sitting at a table eating a bagel in Einstein’s a fellow I had never seen before walked up to me and said, “I know you…you have a reputation.”
“I do?”
“Yes you do.”
“Well I must say I am rather well known in various circles.”
“Would you care to step outside?”
“What for?”
“I’m going to kill you.” He pulled back his duster and I could see he was carrying a gun.
“WHAT?”
“You have a reputation. I kill you, and I become famous. That’s the Way Of The West.”
“I’m not a gunfighter. I don’t even have a gun.” I showed him I was unarmed.
“You’re lucky you’re not in The Army or Marines. You’d have to do a weird dance for calling it a gun…Anyway it doesn’t matter, you have a reputation.”
‘We, how do I get rid of it?”
‘You’ll be rid of it when you’re dead.”
You wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man?”
“Fortunately for you, the Code of The Wes,t frowns on that. Tell ya what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna start carrying Two guns, so the next time I see you you can use one of mine.”
“Isn’t that a double unnegative?”
“Huh?”
“Nevermind, you wouldn’t understand.”

“That did it, step out in the street!”
A policeman was walking by and he asked if I could borrow his gun?
This is the Wild West so he said, “Sure!”

So there we stood face to face. He asked the policeman to count to 3, but he said he was not allowed to get involved.
“We can count ourselves…get ready Ambrose, count to 3 and draw.”
“Wait a minute...Whoa…”
All the horses stopped.
Who do you think I am?’
“Ambrose Penwose.”
“No No No…I’m not Ambrose. He’s a character I made up. He’s not even real.”
“But, he has a reputation?”
“I gave it to him. I made him famous through literary innuendoes and hearsay.”
“Then I’ll just shoot you.”
“I don’t have a reputation.”
“What’s your name?”
“By George.”
“Never heard of ya!”
“See what I mean?”
“Can ya buy me a bagel?

Penwose Out,
(It really was Penwose)
By George
NoPo8