I told her she had to join the Swiss Army

When my Xwife was “normal,”…if ever? She once asked me how she could get one of those Swiss Army knives?

I told her she had to be in the Swiss Army.

Note: It was a sudden Mind Explosion of mine to get rid of her, and I was going with it.

She asked how she could join the Swiss Army? I told her she had to go to Swissland and see a recruiter. She asked how she could do that, and I told her I’d get her a ticket.

I got her a one-way Greyhound ticket to the small town of Swissvale, about a thousand miles away. I told her to take along a brick of Swiss Cheese, so they would know she was friendly.

I watched her ride away into the sunset, and I was elated. I was free as a bird.

About a month later she came back with the cheese half eaten, holding a Swiss Army Knife, and a commission in the Schweizer Armee.

Sometimes I wonder which of us is crazy?

I remember the time she bought one of those Cordless Bathroom Scrub Brushes. I knew she was eager to try it out, but I told her she needed to read the instructions completely before attempting to use it.

She went into her room and closed the door.

Three days later she came out saying she was not able to read everything. I asked why not?

“The stupid things are writ in some foreigner language?”

I took a look.

They must have sold these brushes worldwide for the instruction manual was written in English, Spanish, Italian, Deutsch, (Which I took to be German,) French, and Japanese.

I told her she would have to learn each of these languages if she wanted to operate the brush properly. She asked how she could do that?

I told her I’d get her a ticket.

Once again I put her on a Greyhound and told her she was going on a Rosetta World Tour to learn the languages. She took along the other half of the cheese and her knife.

Once again I leaped for joy!

Six months later she returned speaking all of the languages at once.

She asked for the instruction manual and went off into her room.

I suddenly heard her screaming as she ran through the door yelling, “They all say the same thing!”

I do believe that is what set her off singing, “Loony Toons.”

She was never the same after that, but then she was never the same before that.

I occasionally miss her…like when watching old war movies for instance, but that is not very often. I really don’t care what the Germans are saying.

Penwose Out
By George
NoPo8