I could not wear shoes.

I was in a bit of a pinch. All my surgeries were over and done with, I was recovered and ready to deploy with The Red Cross to fight hurricanes…except for one thing.

My toenails were too long!
I could not wear shoes, which is a prerequisite.
All I can wear are flip-flops…but toes must be covered!

I know the perils of wearing shoes with long nails. I did that over a year ago while hiking the upper regions of Zion. My toenails loosened and fell off. They slowly grew back but there were black areas that seemed to be ready to clip-off with the next clipping…if I could get a clipping?

Because of several fused vertebrae I cannot bend my back enough to clip my toenails. There is no one to snip them for me. I have asked several ladies to join me in wedlock, for such things, but they see through my ruse and refuse,
“You want me to marry you, so I can clip your toenails? What kind of a sick pervert are you?”

I’ve discovered a beauty school nearby that does pedicures, which I previously thought was a girlie thing, but have found them to be A Manly Way to get the job done, irregardless of what other manly men may think.

Due to the current pandemic the school has been closed until recently.
However they have yet to reconstitute pedicures.

My toenails were so long that if they were on my fingers I would have slit my own throat while sleeping. As it was I feared waking up with shredded sheets.

Hurricanes are starting to act up and The Red Cross may call…I had to be ready.

I tried to bend and twist and clip the nails myself, but could never get close.

I did a search!

I found that several Walmarts have nail salons that do pedicures. There were two close to my house. I went to the first one. The nail salon was gone. Defunct, with no forwarding address?

WOE is Me…I was miffed.
The other may have closed too, but I had to find out? I went there. It was open!
They told me they could cut my nails immediately!

Eureka!

I was beside myself, which made it tough to enter cause the door was small.
I sat down in a chair with a foot spa, and a girl, I took to be Japanese, started to sit on a little stool with wheels…however the stool scooted out from under her and she went right to the floor on her back.
I reached for her and said, “Are you alright?”
She didn’t understand me, so I laid some Japanese on her…
“Yoshi kuru yasa tisumi sushi?”
She still didn’t understand me, so I figured she must be from
a different dialect?

Everyone helped her except for me, because as I previously stated I cannot bend over.
She got up embarrassed, brushed herself off, and gave me a wonderful pedicure. I gave her a good tip!

So now my toes look GREAT! The black areas are gone and I’m ready for those hurricanes!

I just hope they call me before the toenails grow back?

Cheers,
By George