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  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

By George xx xx

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Its hot!

Today’s weather is a bit difficult to define? The high temp is listed at 114, while the description RIGHT BESIDE IT says the high will be 113? Is it too hard to put the same high together? Which do I believe? Is it safe to go out and get my mail?
Irregardless it is hot!
You never want to be in an area higher than your body temp.
This will be a tough week with highs over 110.

Easy to duplicate for those without a clue. Preheat your oven to 110, then stick your head inside. If you like it, come to Vegas!
Don’t worry, you won’t fry your brain…but you may roast it.
Put a potato in with it and see how long it takes to explode.
If your wife wants to try it, make sure you tenderize her head first.

George Update

Well Ethel is Murmured!

I went to the VA Hospital for my first Ultrasound Echo to check my new valve and everything seems to be working fine although the results will be read and sent to my cardiologist.

When I took off my shirt I asked the Echotist if my hump from the Pacemaker would go down? He said maybe a little but not much. He said I would have a hump.

Actually it has gone down quite a bit and is more of lump than a hump. I can still use the Young Frankenstein reply when someone asks about it, “What lump?”

He said the lump is actually good because if I’m unconscious, medical people will see it, “Take now for instance. If I didn’t know you had a pacemaker I would have put one of these stickers right over it and the machine would have gone haywire.”

When he did the Echo, he turned the screen so I could see it and pointed out my new valve. Very Interesting.

I was amazed that I could actually see my heart beating.

When he turned on the sound I could hear blood passing through it.
He said there are 4 valves and each has a different sound.
He played them all. I like the new one best.

He scanned my heart from different angles, then said there was one more to go. I was lying on my left side and he had me lye on my back.
He moved the scanner to my stomach to see my heart from below.

He was having trouble. He asked me to take deep breaths and hold them. He said my heart was hiding.

He had me lye on my side again and found it. I watched on the monitor and found it hard to see.

He said, “See these dark shadows? They are Gas Pockets and the sound does not go through air, so we need to maneuver around them…There, That’s better!”

I must remember not to eat chile and burritos before the next one.

By George



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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on August 18, 2020
Did you know that it's regardless whether it's regardless or irregardless. Although irregardless is a little bit pompous like an over baked potato, regardless.

I'm so glad you got a new valve for your plumbing and that your electronic pacemaker is keeping you on pace, especially in the heat of the hot lights of the Vegas gambling tables. And other distractions.

It's hot here too, but only to the point where if my temperature reaches the outside temperature, I will have to rush off to a testing site pronto, and then go into ventilator mode. Am so looking forward to not having to breathe for myself for a while. Probably be like a Las Vegas vacation by the pool burning my hands and feet on everything they touch.

And I wouldn't put lye on my body while turning if I were you. I'm sure it would give you a burn far more painful than the Las Vegas sun. But I may be lying.

Bye, George,

Ron

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