Moonlighting

THE DIVER

The University cut back my hours, so I asked my students if any of them knew where I could do a little moonlighting?
They said they knew, “A guy.”

They sent me to an address on lower Fremont Street. When I got there all that I found was a vacant lot. There was a big refrigerator box, that I took to be empty, lying on its side. A pizza delivery truck drove up and a guy went inside with three pizzas. In a moment or two he came out with no pizzas and a smile on his face, indicating a nice tip, indicating a nice guy. I felt I was in the right place at the right time.

I walked inside and there sat, “The Wino.” The infamous Wino of ancient folklore and unknown literary fame.
I had not seen him in several years and he looked at me as though he never saw me before?
I looked around and saw no pizzas?

So, I understand you are looking for a job you can do in the moonlight?

Well, it can be done anytime actually. It’s just called moonlighting?

You mean you can moonlight in the daylight?

A moon is not necessary.

Now I remember you!…Did you ever do any boxing?

Yes, a bit of Golden Gloves in my younger days.

Can you take a punch?

I don’t remember?

Any knockouts?

Yes, I was knocked out several times.

I mean Wins. Did you have many wins?

Many? I don’t remember Any?

Did you ever bite anyone?

Oh My, of course not! We are civilized aren’t we?

We have to be sure…some guys have tendencies.

Can you take a dive?

It depends on how deep the water is?

In the ring! Can you fake being knocked out?

I think so?

Nevermind, I don’t think you’ll have to Fake it.
I am associated with Dive Incorporated. We supply fixed fighters for fixed fights. Do you prefer kick boxing or boxing?

Well, I never liked to be kicked, so boxing.

Very good. Let me explain what we do. Dive Incorporated supplies divers for events where big money is wagered. When the bets are in someone decides when a Dive is necessary and our guy takes it. It’s that simple.

You mean I just…

You dance around for one or two rounds, take a dive, and take home several thousand Big Ones.

I can do that.

Wonderful! I’ll send you over to Big Louie!

He had a dedicated phone line that he dialed several times before connecting to Big Louie. He told him he had a guy for him, who was me. Big Louie told him to send me over. He sent me over.
He said to go up to downtown, then east to Western Avenue. Big Louie had an office through an alley at the back of a bar.

I walked in expecting Big Louie to be a little guy, like when they call someone really slow “Speedy,” but he was big.

He told me about the operation, which was basically the same as The Wino said, except…

We take care of your cuts and bruises, teeth, and transfusions. You are on your own for comas.

Let me see something. Dance around and throw a few punches.

I bobbed and weaved…and threw a barrage of punches.

OK…We’ll bill you as Speedy Nacho.

SPEEDY Nacho?

Yeah! Spanish names are in right now.

So how’s that sound to you?

Ah…I guess all right?

OK, You’re in…after you sign the contract.

The contract was printed on one of those long legal forms, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t legal. All the words were fine print, I couldn’t read any of them.

Hurry up and sign that. I have a fight for you tomorrow night in Madison Square Garden. It’s a Fifteen Rounder. You take a dive in the middle of the eleventh round.

Eleventh round? You mean I have to fight ten rounds?

Yeah! We have to make it look good. The boxing commission is on our backs.

I asked where the Men’s Room was. He said down the hall, on the left.

That was the smallest window I ever squeezed out of.

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8