I've been on my soapbox about wetland encroachment today. Seems I'm a witness to one too many dead otters lately as their habitat is being over developed and they're heading across highways to other areas and meeting head on with hydromatics...not a pretty picture.
Each time I cry for these simple creatures that love to play and mate for life. I wish, at times, that I were an otter...just to swim and go under the water to glide with the currents...escort the flotsam out with the ebbing tides and play among the fiddlers and marsh hens. It is a bent grin that welcomes the laughter of the gulls along with my own when these creatures play in their mating game. It is a dance of nature that is of the minimalist love...pure...comical...touching...rubbing noses...eyes of candy kisses...whiskers that move with the chatter and clicks of romantic songs...and with the toss of a webbed foot...they hurl fiddler crabs back and forth to share their tasty morsels with their one true love.
To have the simplicity of this love and not be encumbered with hurts from old ones...isn't this what love should always be like? Never being hurt...respect for life and loving in a natural way that IS caring, compassion and honesty.
If wishes were as easy as thoughts then I would be a newborn again...wholesome and homogenized in my heart and soul...seeking the love of one who would give me the security of this...the sensations I've lost to pains that were wonderful in their onset and nourishing in their beauty of emotions.
You know...out of everything I've given up as I grew to this adult woman...I've lost the virgin thoughts that made me wonder at natures gut feelings...senses that were new and felt so good when first caressed.
I want it back.
Such a sadness to grow and lose so much of the awe of first love.
How wonderful to sense a glow from within...a tug of passions first creeping to the surface...then to face the bubbles as they are seduced from your heart the first time...and the generic tingle that the first kiss pulls toward the throat and to wonder if you really would get pregnant if you French kissed that guy.
How absolutely glorious to be so young and gullible to emotions that would teach great lessons later in life.
The rush of heat to the brow...the rash of passions to a young, nubile girl...so eager but terrified at being seduced...and the mind saying, "keep that aspirin between your knees"...or was that a subliminal message from your mother to keep you straight?
Waking the next morning to love...hearts pounding when thoughts of the previous night searches your days and calls upon memories of a young man and his hard kisses for his first time too...he was just as scared...but he would talk proud the following morning in a bashful sort of way.
And then there's the sitting for hours in school...fearing you had an attention deficit disorder because you couldn't keep your mind from wondering to him...the notes taken from a cunning teacher and causing giggles when the thought of her reading HIS name again...written over and over...boldly sketched with hearts...making no sense but coming from within a bride of emotions.
All this is so tender with the memories...not a hint of the ugly hurt that comes later in adult situations when partners make stupid mistakes and play games of chance...then the picture is forever tarnished and love takes a back seat to pain.
I want to LOVE again...more than anything in my life...more than learning to fly...catching a trophy Cut Throat trout, writing the Great American Novel or sailing the Mediterranean in a Clipper...I want to really LOVE again...to wish upon a star...ride a rainbow and sail among the clouds with a dream of a pure love that is mine...not tarnished and given as well as taken with the others pleasures most to the forefront.
If this comes to pass...then love-making should be phenomenal in the labors of one pleasing the other...for to be selfish in love-making robs the bed of true r passions and further depth . To put the others love in respect to caresses and passions gives both reciprocates new highs to ecstasy with one into the other with generous thoughts to please. To give in this manner would have two hearts wanting to please foremost and the marriage of erotic juices would be Utopia in it's finest hour...and selfishness would also take a back seat and remain there forever.
I've read so much tripe about what love is and is suppose to be...how to please your lover...and games to play with your love mate.
To me loving is never a game...and to think that ones thoughts would be to play at this emotion would rob the passions of the intent...thus taking the pleasures of souls away. In such a fashion the flesh is raped and the mind is fraught with unseated desires...then the search continues from bed to bed for most.
I prefer the one who is loving me...and knows I love back...with his pleasures in my hands and his satisfaction my quest.
I cherish these thoughts...and the complete desires that are honest for the first time since I lost to pain.
Susan,
I really like this. It is glorious to be so young and gulliable to emotions that teach us later in life. But I think I prefer the virgin thoughts and feelings to what I know about a lot of things now. I do know that it is possible to love again. Like you, I have experienced that to but again like you, it didn't work out like I had thought I wanted it to. But even so, I'm glad for the love I knew.
The eloquent way in which you express your feelings and mind is amazing. Life often presents us with situations that are difficult to handle and survive. At times it even seems impossible to escape agonizing stints, but when looking back I am sure you will find many instants in which intervention of unseen hands have led you away from devastating experience. Creator protects the Children of the Light, but does not save them from lessons they have to learn. But also the rough times bestow us with knowledge and awareness that allow us to pass obstacles that stop others in their tracks, because we have indeed learned a thing or two in our lives. I am attempting to separate myself from the matter in this world that incites me to shape my wishes that do not always comply with the will of the Most High. I think I've found a way to provide me with a reference that can be retrieved almost instantly when I find myself in less agreeable times: This life is merely an ephemeral fragment of our entire journey through space and time, there will be better places and times ahead, worse perhaps also, but I will give it all I am to reach my destiny, my source which is the greatest power in the universes - immaculate and infinite Love. Perhaps a similar thought may help you survive unpleasant periods too. I want to see you there too towards the end of our journey that will be flooded already by the Light that awaits us.
I always pick the otter, when asked, what animal I would Be? They are so cool, to watch play and flirt, and enjoy their mate, it's the way I think, life, should be.
" then the picture is tarnished and takes a back seat to pain"
The knowledge of what you really seek, the, yourself, you need to get outta the way; is the beginning of finding it, and cherishing it; and I pray, that you'll find, now; that what you seek, is at hand, never was, very far, away.
This is fantastix Sue, I know your poetry is good but this rocks. You captured the very meaning of love whether it is the mating of two young virgins or the re-awakening of love by a seniour who has all but forgotten the intensity of the feelings that love arouses. It is not just a matter of lust more of a force of feelings that only love can create. Well done my sweet friend.
Felix
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Reviewed on May 20, 2006
My, my, my, sweet one, but this, as the saying goes, "took my breath away." This, for starters, "I've lost the virgin thoughts that made me wonder at natures gut feelings...senses that were new and felt so good when first caressed." I vaguely recall those virgin thought myself and how so very important EVERTHING was. Ah, but we grow and age and lose almost all of those senses. We ACT like we have them all, but sadly, the trust lies in another direction. I thoroughly enjoyed your essay on those "Newborn Days."
GLIMPSE OF AN ANGEL IS NOW AVAILABLE. A PORTION OF ALL SALES WILL GO TO HOSPICE TO THUS ENABLE THEM TO HELP OTHERS WHO ARE SOON TO PASS TO THE OTHER SIDE. NO LONGER AVAILABLE.
I really like this. It is glorious to be so young and gulliable to emotions that teach us later in life. But I think I prefer the virgin thoughts and feelings to what I know about a lot of things now. I do know that it is possible to love again. Like you, I have experienced that to but again like you, it didn't work out like I had thought I wanted it to. But even so, I'm glad for the love I knew.
B&R
RAge
" then the picture is tarnished and takes a back seat to pain"
The knowledge of what you really seek, the, yourself, you need to get outta the way; is the beginning of finding it, and cherishing it; and I pray, that you'll find, now; that what you seek, is at hand, never was, very far, away.
Felix