Book Review - of two pastors who left their wives one returned home, shares on spiritual abuse & states they would never recommend a woman stay in an abusive relationship.

Unlock the Secrets of an Outrageously Happy Marriage and Break the Chains of Marital Frustrations! Joel and Kathy Davisson (Husband & Wife, Parents, Pastors) author of The Man of Her Dreams The Woman of His! In 1994, their marriage was in shambles. They attended Life Skills International as well. Preface by Paul Hegstrom, Ph D. They attended Life Skills International in Aurora, Colorado, under the guise of being trained to be facilitators at an LSL Center. Their pastor at the time felt helpless in the face of their situation and arranged the trip. When wisdom enters your heart and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you. _ Proverbs 2:10 - 11 On April 1, 1972, the pastor of a local church left his wife a letter. In the letter, the pastor outlined how she should handle the children, finances and what her first actions should be to minimize the damage to the church and household. He had been involved in an affair and was leaving his wife to be with the other woman, who had been his wife's best friend. Nineteen years later, on April 1, 1991, another pastor left his wife a letter. The first pastor was the author's daddy. He was ten years old when he divorced his mother. The second pastor, who left his wife 19 years later, was the author of this book. The stories began identically, they are different. The author's mother and father divorced and went their separate ways. Kathy and Joel remained married - and in October of 2004 they celebrated their 20th anniversary of their marriage by renewing their weddding vows on stage at the Houston Astrodome. What is spiritual abuse? When a man uses the Word of God to justify mistreatment of his wife. He uses the popular submission scriptures to justify harsh treatment and keep his wife "under his thumb." The solution to spiritual abuse is found in Colossians 3:12 - 13. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered. __ I Peter 3:7 Controlling husbands can often be considered "great guys" to onlookers and even to their wives. The author admits that he was once one of these, when he wanted to be. Notice the Bible says that your prayers will be hindered if you do not live with your wife according to knowledge and honor her as the weaker vessel. Honoring your wife is a message that is not often emphasized in popular marriage teachings. The Bible is clear that we husbands are to honor our wives. For many years, the author admits his wife had no voice in their marriage. She could not talk to him without losing. Only the author, the husband, thoughts and feelings were right! If you ever hope to become the man that God has called you to be you will have to let your wife know that it is safe for her to share her heart with you. You will have to promise that you will not ridicule, belittle or argue with her over the things she shares. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. __ Proverbs 18:22 The author admits that his wife is a good thing for him! Because of her he has obtained favor from the Lord. In Proverbs 18:22, "good" is the Hebrew word "towb," one of the twelve Hebrew words for prosperity. Your wife will bring you favor. Your wife will add wealth to your life. Selah. This word "towb" also refers to the glory and the goodness of God! In Exodus 33:19, Moses asked God to let him see His glory. God said that He would make His goodness pass before Moses. Now while they emphaaize so strongly on the importance of families staying together, they need to be perfectly clear about physciaslly abusive relationships. The author states they would never recommend that a woman stay in a physically abusive relationship. There is a procedure of escape and counseling outlined by Life Skills that can be followed in hopes of seeing the family restored. There are Life Skills Centers across the U.S. that can either help you or direct you to other helpful agencies in your area. Every story that the authors share in their book are true . The names and locations have been changed but they are true cases from the authors life or from marriages of other believers with whom they are personally familiar. The author's 'looking down' on his wife had simply been a pride-and ego-protecting mechanism common to abusive men. A king's pride and joy is when his crown sparkles and shines. If the author's wife is his crown then he wants her to shine! HE shines by praising her. He shines his crown by building her up. As the author builds up his wife she becomes very secure. When she is secure, the inner beauty that God has gracedher with is poured out upon her husband! He reaps the benefit! His wife's confidence manifests itself in both inward and outward beauty! The author's wife studies make-up and fashion styles. He tells the guys, if they expect their wife to dress sharply and look good, they will have to be sure that she has money and that she has their blessing to spend that money on herself. If money is tight try finding a consignment shop that might offer upscale clothes for pennies on the dollar. The author shares he cannot count the times that his wife has modeled an incredible new shirt or outfit that she has brought at a nice re-sale shop. When he would ask what it cost she would tell him two dollars. He says his wife has a gift! Build your wife up. She represents you! Encourage her to learn about fashion and style. She is the best part of you. The king had requested that Queen Vashti come to his party. She refused and lost her throne! The next queen was Esther. Esther was already beautiful! Her beauty is what had landed her the opportunity to enter the competition! In the early 60's, teaching about marriage became popular in the Body of Christ. Women were expected to be everything and do everything that her husband could ever hope or want regardless of how he acted and treated her. Instead of physically beating a wife into submission, the "spiritual" man could use the Bible to beat his wife into submission to his immature demands. Submitting to one another in the fear of God. __ Ephesians 5:21 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. __ Ephesians 5:22 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. __ Ephesians 5:25 So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. __ Eph 5:28a You have a high calling man of God. That high calling is to love your wife as Christ loves the Church and as God loved by giving His only Son. I John 4:19 says, "We love (HIM) because HE first loved us." One of the pioneers of marriage ministry who had a huge influence on the Body of Christ in the 1970's and 1980's recently divorced his wife and married a younger woman. His comment was: "The principles that I taught was good. I just did not live by them. To his credit,he at least ended his ministry and voluntarily disappeared.