CLAN DOINGS

Every year the Milhackers Clan have a conclave at the foot of Cavanaugh Mountain. The folks come from all over the nation to take part in the festive occasion. The center of the meeting is at Old Uncle Esker's home place. Uncle Irvine always furnishes the picture frames free of charge. He made a fantastic buy on the frames for this year. All of them are off white and oval shaped. The only disagreeable part is they have a couple hinges on the square end but most folks just run a piece of bailing wire though the holes to use to hang them. Granddad Machum always brings his photography equipment, the kind that has a hood he gets under and has to change the plates on each shot. We usually reimburse him for the expense. He makes an oval picture that just fits on the back side of the picture frame using tacks. Aunt Sugar Pie claims they resemble her commode lid but Uncle Irv poo pood that dumb idée. We always have a coon hunt to furnish coonskin caps for all male members regardless of age. And the female members make a bonnet if the member had a child since the last meeting. The same is true for the boy babies with a coon skin cap. That is an essential costume for all members. Last year Cousin Bobo who always furnishes the coon dogs like to never found them when they run off. Here is what I am told happened. Cousin measures each little baby’s head with a tape measure and uses the measure to cut a board the size of the coon he needs. The board is shown to the coon dogs and they go tree a coon that size. But Aunt Sally got to pestering Cousin Bobo to bring the ironing board outside to iron the babies bonnets. The dogs took a look at the board and aint been seen since. Plack gonher. We are testing some new dogs hoping we get some good ones. We always have a passel of possum for our noon meal. I always help on this. First we place the clean possum carcass on pine boards and line fifteen or twenty around a hickory stump and set it on fire. We have to be patient cause it takes a couple hours to get it burning good. Anyway when it has cooked them possum until they have an ashy grey color, they is just right. Then we throw the possums to the dogs and eat the boards.

Well that aint exactly right, ackushuly we lick all of that possum fat off them boards instead of eating them. the last thing happens on the second day when we select the Chief of the clan. All that wants to be it, must roll a tire around Cavanugh Mountain to find who finishes first. It is a distance of about ten miles. It is not unusual to see cars jacked up with one tire and wheel missing. The little bitty temporary tire is not elgible. Of course it must be disassembled so that all the wheels and hubcaps are taken off. Last year Aunt Trixie cheated. The rules say you can’t take any food or drink with you the whole distance. Any way dad blast her, she hid some peanut butter inside her tire. About three fourths around the course she didn’t realize that the oil in that peanut will make the tire like super glue and she hollered out I cain’t do it no more and fell down dead. We just dug a hole and buried her the tire and all In the hole as a warning to the others. It was too bad, the tire only was slick on the outside edges. Just kidding, it was a really bald tire.

Ya'all  come, hear me?

Aliwishus Milhacker III