Know How to Listen to Hear
Listen to Hear, before we lose the art of conversation
Communication and conversation are not the same. Telling you is not the same as sharing with you and hearing your opinion. People don’t just want to be heard, they want to be listened to.
Consider the Art of Listening
Are you a good listener? Do you listen right to the end of every sentence when the other person is speaking? Do you hear what is really being said? Or, are you forming your own response, comment, experience or objection to speak before the person has even finished speaking? Can you separate yourself from the conversation to allow the person to express themselves without judgement or interruption? Are you able to know the difference between when the person needs to talk, and you for you to listen, and when the person needs you to have an input into their thought processes.
There is a lovely saying "We were given two ears and only one mouth for a reason" Anon
Conversation is more than hearing, it is listening! Hearing that words are being spoken is not the same as listening to what is being said.
When someone is trying to communicate with you, they are conveying a part of themselves. That part is deserving of your attention and consideration, even when it may be challenging. After all you are the co-creator of the journey! It doesn't matter if it is the boss at work, complaining about a job you thought you had done well; or your partner stating that you didn’t' understand what he/she meant. Listen! Listen not just to the words that are being said, listen to the emotions in the words. "Listen" to the body language, and importantly, "listen" to your own intuition. What is this conversation really about, are you hearing that also? Is the boss criticising your work now, because it is an accumulation of average performance, or because he would like to reprimand someone else in the office, but you are the easier target? Is the conversation with your partner about the both of you, or is something occurring elsewhere in his/her life where he/she is "not understood"
Think also about your own conversations. What is it that you really want to say? Are you venting? That is ok, provided the person you are venting to, knows it is not about them. Are you a person who, "needs to speak, to know what you are thinking"? That is also ok, provided the person you are speaking with knows to allow you to explore the options verbally out loud without their input.
Be a steward of what you speak. Be a steward of whom and what you are listening to, what you are really hearing! The purpose of words is not just conversation; it is communication; an exchange of something more than words. It is an exchange of a part of yourself, and a part of the one you are interacting with; you may not be given a second opportunity to build a relationship in this particular manner.
Next time you are tempted to half listen, to not hear, while watching the TV, texting, or thinking about your own version of what is being said - Remember the value of communication, when to speak, and when to not! You just may be surprised what a difference listening and hearing might make!
