Comedy writer Bob Mills spends a month in China with Bob Hope in 1979.

(Bob Mills spent the month of June 1979 taping a Bob Hope special in Peking (now Beijing), China.  Here are some memories of what happened...)

When we weren't taping segments for the show, Hope spent time taking in the sights.  He enjoyed the Marble Boat at the Emperor's Summer Palace so much, he decided to perform a musical number on her decks along with six dancers from the Peking Opera. 

We weren’t allowed to take photographs inside the Forbidden City (which wasn't yet open to the public), but we were given a guided tour of the ancient structures located just a hop, skip and fortune cookie from the hotel.

Directly across from the now infamous Tiananmen Square, in the days of the emperors it was — and remains today — real estate as hallowed as Buckingham Palace or Taj Mahal.  Forbidden indeed it was. Only royalty and senior bureaucrats were allowed through the ancient turnstile: and the loftier their title, the deeper into the low rows of buildings they were allowed to proceed.

As we were escorted from one chamber to the next, each more ornate than the one before, even Hope, who had seen just about everything, was impressed.  As we arrived at the very center of the complex, the emperor’s living quarters, we stood for a long time in silence, inhaling the musty smell of ten centuries and drinking in the royal opulence. 

Finally, Hope broke the silence. Examining the intricately carved and bejeweled throne which had cradled royal derrieres from every dynasty, he turned and whispered just out of earshot of our guide, “When does Yul Brynner show up?” 

The Communist Chinese government is divided into Ministries — a Ministry of Commerce, a Ministry of Health, a Ministry of Education and so on. From day one, the nemesis of The Bob Hope Show — and Hope personally — was the Ministry of Culture. 

As a condition of being allowed to tape within their borders, the government insisted on approving every word of our script beforehand. This was not only unrealistic, but virtually impossible since we made script changes right up until tape began rolling.

Having them to check each segment after it had been shot wouldn’t have been a problem, but for some reason known only to Confucius, the Culture Ministers wouldn’t go along.  Their insistence on a policy of prior approval would be major stumbling block during the entire shoot.

Looking back on it, I think the Chinese officials had heard of Hope’s legendary reputation for skewering politicians, feared they would be in his crosshairs, and decided to make sure they’d be protected from his comedic barbs.  (Can’t blame them there -- they were correct on all counts.)

Our first run-in with the policy evolved as follows.  My writing partner and I had written a segment that was to be taped in front of the Democracy Wall, a poster forum in downtown Peking that had recently received a lot of ink in the world press.

Now that they had undergone a Cultural Revolution (so the theory went), any Chinese citizen was free not only to criticize the government, but to post his thoughts for all to read.  Our version of this newly-found right of free speech went like this:

HOPE: (to Chinese man pasting) Sir, would you mind translating that for me?
MAN: Not at all. I’m complaining about all the crime in the streets, traffic congestion, loud music at night and air pollution.
HOPE: Gee, I had no idea Peking had all those problems.  
MAN: Oh, I’m not from Peking. I’m from from Passaic, New Jersey.

A permit to film at the wall had been requested and granted. The problem was, the actual script was completed just minutes before it was to be shot. There simply was no time to obtain an additional signature on our permit covering the changes. 

News of the sketch we shot reached Culture faster than the invasion of Nanking. You’d have thought the guy was from Tibet. The officials demanded the tape right out of our camera.

Director Bob Wynn explained that it couldn’t be removed without destroying other material on the same reel.  After several head-to-head meetings, Hope was issued an ultimatum: unless the Democracy Wall tape was turned over to them by day’s end, no tape of our special would be allowed to leave the country.