some comments.....

Depression, Pessimism, Nostalgia
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"Amader deshe habe sai chhele kabe,
Kathai na baro haye kaje bara habe"..
Bengali poem
[When will that son be born in our country, who would be big in work (deeds) but not in talk.]

Often I get feedback on what I write, and at times I respond.

How much of my writing is the product of a depressive/paranoid, pessimist or a nostalgic person?

I also mention that I maintain this net primarily for my college students scattered all over, and any comments on my writing need not be made in my best interests.

Definition of any one of these terms, unless they are clinical or catastrophic and as may be defined by NIH(USA) or the FBI(USA), are subject to cultural rejection/acceptance. Most WASP (USA) would find lower middle class Brahminic lifestyle "depressive". Some 'Whites' even believe that many Asians are 'egomaniacs'. My awareness of such differences in life styles motivated me to study culture under capitalism, and its differences with other social value systems. As a teacher, who accommodates many cultures (many normals), I always suggest that do not "do" what you dislike in me, and "do" what you like in me. All of my writings and teachings are to be viewed from this perspective.

One of my professors found me 'nostalgic'. I do not know if he can dissociate his own feelings before passing judgement on me. First generation rural to urban transition is often painful and nostalgic. I do not know how Mr. Bob Dole (Kansas) would have felt had he chosen a career in New York and lived there.

Another elderly gentleman thinks that I am providing art therapy for myself by expressing my feelings. If my students read, empathise -- and can respond to my therapy--- I shall be the happiest person.

Finally let me talk on the established lady who found me a pessimist. We were good friends almost 16 years ago. Suddenly I was surprised to receive an e-mail after 16 years (I remember the strange feeling I had when I met one of my professors in Bangalore after 18 years!!!)

This lady now is a better-placed faculty in one of the very good univerities in India, and is going abroad with a Fellowship soon. She has her family, raising children, and has research grants (like NSF grants in the USA). She finds the world bright, full of opportunities and success; she has no reason to be a "pessimist"

I just remembered her student days. She is my first female student in M.Tech. Biotechnology. In that class, about ten students were there; all of them are doing well, and are optimists as regards opportunities offered by biotechnology and infotechnology. I am the only loner, a "pessimist, nostalgic and an egomaniac depressive"! [A Bengali might say "sing bhenge bachhurer dale dhukechhe"]

I did not know enough biotechnology when she was my student. I went to the USA for a degree!


The FBI might agree with me if I were to say that many of the "popularly called mental diseases" (i call them minor accentuations) may be an expression of an acceptance of an alternate paradigm of wholistic growth where a person is at peace with oneself. For example, my 'obsession/compulsion/impulsion' with writing in this net for free appears futile, counter-productive and even 'silly' to some. Similarly my obsession with the project on self-financed research, when I am pennyless, might appear as a symptom of my insanity to some. Even my sudents get money from government for doing research! Mr. Tenet and Dean Moss would say "you are worst guy-- that's why you don't get money". My humble opinion is "I am bad. That's why good people don't like me."

Let me explain what I mean. In 1995, I met a very mature advisor in Chicago. He advised me that because of my "bad family background"--- and history cannot be re-written--- and because of CIA, RAW and the castor oil from Devon St. (Chicago), I would not succeed in Indian Biotechnology. The best I could have done is becoming a Principal at the Malcom X College (Chicago). I took him seriously. As I did not know enough about Chicago, and the American Capitalism, I decided to take my time to do a second degree on American Capitalism. Would I become a Principal in Chicago? Am I mentally deranged? Ask the question to my classmates and students who are in the upper ten percent of the income group in USA/India.

SG
Bangalore,
Dec 19, 2004.