I wondered if my mother’s use of sleeping pills over the years had the same destructive effect on her as alcohol abuse.
A friend offered me a glass of wine. When I told him I did not drink he asked if there was chemical addiction in my family when I was a child. Surprised I nodded and asked, "How did you know?" He said most people who avoid alcohol were exposed to an addict early on. His answer hit a nerve. Until that moment I had not realized that my maternal aunt’s drunken behavior and my maternal grandmother’s horror stories about her life with my alcoholic grandfather had been gifts. Deeply disturbed about what I had seen and heard I avoided alcohol and drugs and people whose personalities changed when drinking. I was grateful that my mother and stepfather’s occasional use of alcohol did not seem to effect their behavior.
While studying to become a mental health counselor I was shocked to discover that my family had similar dynamics to families with addictions. I wondered if my mother’s use of sleeping pills over the years had the same destructive effect on her as alcohol abuse. I began to do some research. I learned that both alcohol and sleeping pills are sedative-hypnotics that sedate the central nervous system to produce relaxation and calmness. Like alcohol larger doses can produce a staggering gait, poor judgment, slow reflexes, loss of control and inhibitions and slurred speech.
Long-time use of sleeping pills results in tolerance, which requires larger and larger doses for the same effects. The research shows that chronic use of sleeping pills can result in severe insomnia, depression, thoughts of suicide, rage, impaired judgment and reasoning, forgetfulness, muscle pain and stiffness, paranoia, phobias, delusions, hallucinations, psychotic states, cognitive decline, confusion and dementia. Once the addict feels they need a chemical to function it becomes the focus in their life.
Researchers are particularly concerned about elderly people taking sleeping pills since the drugs remain in their system longer. The addict’s balance control is affected leading to an increased risk of falls.
When habitual sleeping pill users stop they develop physical withdrawal symptoms ranging from anxiety, restlessness, tremors, increased heart rate, nausea, delusions, hallucinations, seizures, convulsions and death.
Combining alcohol and hypnotics slows down and multiplies the effects and greatly increases the risk of death.
Dr. Daniel Kripke, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California and founder of one the first sleep clinics in the U.S. said in one of his articles that people who take 30 or more sleeping pills a month have a 25% more mortality rate. Women are twice as likely to commit suicide and men are seven times more. The hangover effects of sleeping pills reduce a person’s attention and make them less safe as a driver.
Treatment includes detoxification, prevention and coping with relapse and long term rehabilitation. The underlying causes of the sleeping pill addiction such as ill health, family conflicts or emotional difficulties need to be addressed through counseling. Help is needed from a neurologist specializing in sleep disorders, an addiction counselor and a 12-Step Program such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA) or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The addict’s family will also need the 12-Step programs Alan-non or Nara-non.
I found the Alan-non Family Group literature titled "A Guide for the Family of Alcoholics" an excellent resource for understanding addictions and learning how to cope with their behavior. They also sponsor a worldwide daily Alan-non meeting for family and friends of alcoholics. The people’s stories are inspiring and help families to find "peace in chaos," "live and let live" and to "let go and let God!"
Knowledge of the nature of the addiction and the courage to live by this knowledge is essential if love is to replace fear in the family’s relationship with the addict.
Addiction reveals the existence of an illness and an illness is a condition, not an act.
Sedative-hypnotics are an anesthetic that anesthetizes the addict’s pain and becomes the addict’s problem solving tool to relieve unpleasantness, anxiety, tension and resentment.
The addict may appear grandiose and full of exaggerated self-importance to create a front of "normalcy" and hide their addiction and poor self-esteem. The families often become frustrated with the addict’s "egocentricity" and insensitivity to others. As the addict closes off their vulnerability, guilt and remorse they become progressively more isolated and unreachable.
Addicts often unconsciously project their image of self-hatred on one or more family members. When the family member gets angry back the addict justifies their need for the sedative-hypnotics.
Because addicts feel unloved and unlovable they have little confidence in love. Their rage about unmet past needs prevents them from expressing their need to be affirmed and cared for because they anticipate rejection.
The family fears the addict’s anger and feels responsible for their insomnia. The family is consequently reluctant to confront the addict’s chronic sleeping pill use. The family should not feel responsible for their addiction anymore than they would be for another disease like cancer. But the family can take responsibility by giving the addict every opportunity for recovery. Lack of knowledge and allowing the addiction to go unnoticed helps the addict avoid treatment. Although the family cannot "treat" the addict they can learn the facts and seek help for the situation themselves. The choices and actions to get into treatment need to come from the addict. The addict can continue to deny their addiction and that help is needed as long as the family provides an automatic escape from consequences. Continuing to care-take the addict increases their sense of failure and guilt.
The change must begin with the non-addicted family members. The addict will not seek help to recover as long as their needs are met within the family. Winning the war against the addiction is the objective. Motivating the addict to have a desire to stop taking the sleeping pills and to accept help works best when they suffer the consequences of their behavior. The family needs to allow the addict’s suffering to become acute. Recovery for an addiction takes time with possible relapses.
If the addict recovers emotionally and the family does not there is an unhealthy breach in the family structure. The family must grow before, during and after the addict’s recovery or serious estrangement may occur. Whether the addict recovers, the time for the family to work on their recovery is NOW.
It is important not to accept the addict’s lies for truth, for doing so will encourage this process. The addict should not be allowed to outsmart the family for this teaches them to avoid responsibility and lose respect for the family members involved. The addict should not be allowed to exploit or take advantage of the family for in so doing the family becomes an accomplice in the evasion of responsibility.
Alan-non helps families truly learn to accept others as they are and allows the addict to deal with their addiction while the family concentrates on their own recovery. Families learn to leave their weaknesses behind, reach for personal growth and remember that they are less than perfect themselves.
Alan-non members reinforce DETACHMENT, "letting go", to "live and let live" and to "let go and let God." When families do, they can better maintain an "attitude of gratitude" that leaves little room for anger and resentment.
The addict cannot learn to solve problems in a responsible way if the anxiety of the family compels the removal of the problem before the addict can face or solve it or suffer the consequences. As the addict’s irresponsibility increases so does the hostility, resentment and tension in the family. To stop the progress of the illness anger and anxiety concerning the addict should be avoided. The addict learned how to use the family to escape their pain and the consequences of their addiction. If the family bears the brunt of the addict’s addiction and absorbs the consequences then compassion will be difficult. The families love will gradually be destroyed and replaced by fear, resentment and anger. The way to restore love is for the family to learn not to suffer.
If the addict’s addiction gratifies the needs of the family this should be addressed in the 12-Step program and counseling. For example a masochist needs to suffer in order to find a sense of self worth, a sadist needs someone to punish and an egoist wants to control. Addicts serve these purposes well.
To do nothing means to give in to the situation, to fight back in quiet, passive, destructive ways. Families need to learn which interactions are destructive and which are creative and attempt the creative approaches.
Alan-non provides warm-hearted help to family and friends of addicts. They know first hand the constant emotional strains and pressures. Addicts suffer from feelings of guilt beyond anything a non-addict can imagine. Alan-non members encourage families not to remind the addict of failures, neglect of family and friends and social errors as it makes the situation worse. They also discourage over-protectiveness as it prevents the addict from experiencing the crises necessary for recovery.
During recovery Alan-non members ask that the families remind themselves that "Easy does it!" that the addiction and the destructive family dynamics took a long time to develop, convalescence is a slow process.
THE TWELVE STEPS OF NARCOTICS AND ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
- We admitted we were powerless over addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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