Experts say our cars, bodies, teeth and eyes should be checked annually to catch problems early. What if we added a Premarital or a Marriage Enrichment checkup?

My goal for attending a Pre-Marital and Marriage Enrichment training workshop was to get my continuing education Professional Counseling license credits. However, the workshop was so exciting I immediately talked Bud, my husband, into taking the course with me. The training’s impact on our marriage was stunning.

Experts say our cars, bodies, teeth and eyes should be checked annually to catch problems early. What if we added a Premarital or a Marriage Enrichment checkup?

With America’s divorce rate at a staggering 51 percent a routine marriage assessment, like getting your teeth cleaned, can help couples keep their marriage sparkling before trouble spots start to fester or even become an "I’m Outta Here!" The marriage check up emphasizes a healthy marriage instead of just salvaging those in crisis.

Pre-Marital and Marriage Enrichment training is not counseling—it’s a 4-week 1½-hour training program that involves a questionnaire and feedback that focuses on strengthening communication, conflict resolution, finances, spiritual beliefs, personality issues, role relationships, parenting, sexual expectations, family and friends and leisure activities.

Because we marry not just the person but their family the sharing of a family map clarifies expectations and values and helps explore family of origin issues.

The State of Georgia has reduced the $62 marriage license fee to $27 if a couple successfully completes the 6-hour premarital education program provided by a licensed counselor or a member of the clergy.

After taking the questionnaire Bud and I discovered we both had a tendency to minimize and ignore problems. We had to laugh, Bud rated me as being exceptionally good at spotting problems when my score was only slightly higher than his. Bud exposed his ability to deny problems when he gave us both perfect scores for personality issues. He admitted later that we can be stubborn, grumpy and impatient and that we can only change what we recognize.

We learned that we needed to increase our ability to ask for what we want, express our feelings and listen to each other more.

We were surprised that we rated each other more confident than ourselves. Reminded that we need validation, support and encouragement we began giving each other a daily compliment.

The 10 steps to resolving conflict greatly helped us discuss and resolve our differences. We both took Henry Ford’s quote, "Don’t find fault, find a remedy" to heart. Now we own not 50/50 but 100/100 percent of the problem and believe if we are not a part of the solution we are a part of the problem.

Bud and I enjoyed listing three things we’d like our partner to do more often. Sharing our wish lists helped us improve our assertiveness (asking for what we want) and our active listening (repeating what we hear) by asking, "Are you saying…?" We found negotiating calmly with a formal written list works a lot better than nagging.

We were happy to learn that even with our unresolved issues our responses on the questionnaire indicated that we had a high degree of relationship satisfaction.

There are a number of marriage check up programs in America. We used David Olson’s Prepare/Enrich Program as it builds on couples strengths, identifies the challenges and provides steps to deal more effectively with problematic areas.

For a list of counselors or clergy who offer the Prepare/Enrich Program call 1800-331-1661 or go to www.prepare-enrich.com, click on "find a counselor" and type in your zip code.