About 20% of the population are overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments where there is a lot of noise, bright lights and crowds.

I hate to shop—to spend money—take risks. Since I’m a woman I usually get some raised eyebrows. If I must shop I usually use catalogues and thrift stores.

What I don’t tell many people is the extent of my “don’t do” list. But it’s confession time. My list is lengthy because I’m uncomfortable around crowded, noisy, environments. That pretty much rules out malls, fairs, chaotic parties, nightclubs, violent movies, and some restaurants.

“What do you do?” is a common question. I sheepishly explain, “I love being out in nature especially around rivers or in the woods.” My husband and I usually socialize with our friends at home or around a campfire on a river while canoe camping or backpacking in the mountains.

I’ve always felt a little guilty about not being able to enjoy what most people do for fun in cities. I don’t anymore. I’ve just discovered that about 20% of the population are like me. They too feel overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments where there is a lot of noise, bright lights and crowds. However, their solution may not have been to become a “nature person” like me.

Elaine Aron, the author of a book titled The Highly Sensitive Person or HSP says this trait is normal and that we have a highly sensitive nervous system where sounds, sights changes and subtleties are perceived at a higher and more intense level than other people.

Aron, also an HSP, says her sensitivity helped her awaken at the first flicker of firelight in the ceiling of their house and saved the lives of her family. Like Aron, strong smells effect me more than others and I was the first to smell a gas leak in our home on a couple of occasions.

Aron says HSPs are highly intuitive and more easily notice the feelings or distress of others. After reading her book I can see why I’m more effected by other people’s moods and pick up what is going on below surface interactions. I also seem more sensitive to the physical, emotional and spiritual suffering of others. Perhaps that why I spend more time than most people trying to come up with solutions to human problems.

I now understand why it doesn’t take much to move me to tears—a beautiful sunset, an act of kindness or a deer foraging in the woods. Like most HSPs I love loose comfortable clothing and shoes and prefer doing one thing at a time. I take in a lot—the subtleties others miss—the room—the people—the mood—the air. That’s the good news. The bad news is that I’m easily overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments and feel uncomfortable when a lot is going on around me.

I understand now why, in my early 20s, my menstrual cycle stopped for two years when I lived in New York City. I remember feeling traumatized by the concrete, crowds and clamor. Even now a trip to the grocery store can cause me to need a quiet evening at home.

Like most HSPs I don’t like competition, surprises and being observed. My husband says learning about my HSP trait has helped him not to take it personally when I do not want to go places with him like the county fair. He realizes I can’t help my reaction to over-stimulation or shut off the intense perceptions. On the other hand he appreciates my recognizing the many things he does for me no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

We’ve also learned to deal with the problems that arise when I reacted to the subtle clues he didn’t realize he had sent. My husband has admitted that sometimes I know more about his feelings than he does.HSPs are often accused of spaciness and I’m no exception—we have a rich and complex inner life. I usually have 1001 thoughts going through my mind. To focus on one thought is like taming a herd of wild horses. That’s probably why I like to write. When I put my thoughts into words the world makes more sense and calms me down.

Aron says being a male HSP in our culture is a special challenge because the stereotype says “real men” should be less sensitive. Although we HSPs may be a wash out when it comes to your social life our sensitivities could help you or someone else in times of suffering or loss and could even save your life.

The last paragraph in Aron’s book The Sensitive Child sums up the gift and the curse of being an HSP.“Sensitivity is a gift—a gift that does not come free. Sensitive people are more open to suffering than others, and they are open not only to their own suffering, but to that of others. The weight of the world and its injustices can weigh heavily on the shoulders of the sensitive. But ultimately, the sensitive person has the gift of being open to the world and its delights in a way that less sensitive people are not.” To find out more about HSPs or to take a test to see if you have the trait go to http://www.hsperson.com