A lesson from the fifteenth century story of the wedding of Sir Gowain and Dame Ragnell.
(Published in Atlanta's Aquarius - June 2000)

According to the tale titled, "The Weddygne of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnell, there is an answer. The story, based on a fifteenth century poem from the Arthurian Canon, opens with King Arthur and the handsome Sir Gawain out riding in a forest.

Sir Gawain is King Arthur's favorite nephew for he is a true and perfect knight, clean of thought, word and deed. While following a stag they come upon a giant knight, Sir Gromer Somer Joure, who is angry with King Arthur for taking his land.

"All right! You're going to have to fight me," Sir Gromer growls. "I'm going to kill you .. even if there is only one of me and two of you."

"Now, wait a minute," says King Arthur. "Are you not a knight?" "Of course I'm a knight!" the giant scowls. "Well no true knight would fight unarmed men."

"All Right," says Sir Gromer. "I'll offer you a challenge. You have a year from today to find the answer to a question.

"We like a challenge," says King Arthur. "What's the question?"

" The question is ... "The huge knight sneers, drawing out the suspense. "What do women really want?" "Oh, no!" they cried. "And a year from today, if you don't have the right answer, then you have to fight me."

For eleven months Sir Gawain and King Arthur polled everyone they met with the question, especially women. The answers were many, a fur coat, a nice fellow, someone to bring me hot soup or a person to do the dishes. They compared findings the day before they were due to meet with the giant, but they knew they did not have the right answer.

Finally Sir Gowain said that he would visit a wise, but strange women, he'd been told sits by a well in the forest of Inglewood. In the woods he came upon a woman with a humped back huddled by a well. "Excuse me madam. What do women really want?"

She gazed at him through rat-like eyes. "Aren't you a pretty fellow," she cackled. "I know the answer but you will have to marry me to find out," she said slowly rubbing the warts on her large, hooked nose.

Gowain paled, but being a true and perfect knight he agreed. "What women want is their own power of choice—sovereignty," she twittered shaking her steely wire hair.

"Ohh, you've been talking to my sister," the giant yelled when King Arthur and Sir Gowain gave him the right answer. Turning he marched off glowering into the forest.

The wedding between Dame Ragnell and Sir Gowain proceeded as scheduled. Sir Gowain lay in bed with his eyes shut the first night after their wedding. "Well, aren't you going to do something?" Dame Ragnell whispered.

"Like what, Madam?" "You could give me a kiss."

Gowain closed his eyes, and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then he summed up his courage and touched her. Her hair was like silk, and instead finding warts, he caresses a soft, velvet skin. Gowain pulled back and opened his eyes to see the most beautiful woman had ever seen. "Where is Dame Ragnell?" he stuttered.

"My sweet husband," she replied. "I am Dame Ragnell! My wicked stepmother turned me into a hideous hag until the best knight in England married and kissed me. But, the spell is only half broken, I can be beautiful for you at night and ugly for all others during the day or I can be beautiful for all others during the day and ugly for you at night. Which would you have?"

Sir Gowain thought long and hard but finally said to her, "You choose!" Dame Ragnell threw her arms around his neck and said, "You have broken the spell by giving me sovereignty, so now I can be beautiful all the time."

It turns out what women want is the same thing men want, the freedom to be their own person. Like king Arthur and Sir Gowain we all go into the world to hunt the truth about ourselves. But a giant, a family member, a boss, our society stops us and we come face to face with our own weaknesses and unacknowledged parts, known as our shadow self. Our shortcomings, or ugly Dame Ragnell, often makes itself known through our worst failings. But Dame Ragnell symbolically sits at the well of wisdom.

Unfinished business is only negative when we ignore its trapped energy. When we recognize and reconcile our faults we transform them into strengths; hypersensitivity becomes empathy, rage becomes power and depth of feeling becomes passion. Breaking our self inflicted spell, or the spell we allow others to cast upon us, shatters the shadow self and sets the beautiful Dame Ragell free. This wonderful fifteenth century story reminds us that humankinds struggle to be clean of thought, word and deed hasn't changed.