As a child growing up in an alcoholic family, I adapted to agony and pain by retreating inward. My wounded inner child felt lost, pushed out, and unheard without a voice.
Today as an adult, I have a tendency to emotionally take on the agony of all the world’s children because of their suffering and deprivation when I feel sad and enraged about their condition.
On an unconscious level I rage at my mother for placing her childhood pain upon me, which she still carries unconsciously. As a good codependent I accepted this pain. I rage at God for allowing children in the world to suffer. All this creates an inner resistance to change and the flow of life which only hurts me.
So I can choose to stay locked into this psychological resistance every time some suffering of the world’s children triggers the same pattern of rage in me or I can choose, when these patterns of feelings emerge, to let go of the rage which grips me and surrender this resistance. Divine Grace can then enter. Then my inner child can reach out his hand to touch this light of Grace and it can enter him and me and begin healing this wound.
My emotional resistance to change locks me into the pain of that situation. I find when I have suffered enough then I become ready to find a way out of the suffering. The only way out is through. In other words, when I choose to face and go through my pain, however long that takes, and then it will begin to heal and dissolve on its own without any effort on my part. When I resist anything in my life then I am efforting against change, healing, and Grace entering my life.
As I mentioned earlier about taking on my mother’s unresolved emotional pain, each of us in codependent families or relationships want to give our pain and feelings to others in the relationship rather than face it ourselves.
As children some of us take on our parent’s pain and carry it until we become aware of it. We can then realize what part is ours and what part belongs to our parents. Then we can allow it to heal and open to the flow of life and abundance.
As we choose to go into and through our pain, this also carries us deeper into our hearts. Then our inner child has the capacity to reach out its hand with compassion to radiant more love into the world’s agony.
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