Throughout history belief in a God (or Gods) and the existence of some form of life after death have been part of the universal quest of the human mind.

 

At one extreme are people whose beliefs have become so delusional that they will deliberately die for the ‘promise’ of what is to come – however bizarre that promise, and will even kill others in the process. There are vast numbers of people who live a lifetime believing what they are told by the teachings of different religions - each with its rules, regulations and views of a divine God or sacred objects, alive or dead. Knowledge has been gained from old books and from those who spent/spend their time philosophising or regurgitating, yet again, what they were taught. Their evidence was written by human beings with no more ‘inner’ knowledge that those who now read or preach from the same or similar words.

 

At the other end of the spectrum are those who are convinced that this life is the ‘beginning and the end’, believing, from whatever source, that there is nothing after death; that death means a final annihilation. Some do so because there is no scientific proof and they need proof before believing anything. Others do not believe what religions preach and find no alternative belief other than ‘there must be nothing’. Maybe some of these people believe in this way so that what they do on earth has no apparent consequence? Is it ‘wishful thinking’ on their part? Does the concept ‘live now, for tomorrow we die’ offer some explanation for the nihilistic tendencies of many young people who drink excessively and take drugs or tragically, commit suicide for unexplained reasons?

 

But, what proof do any of these people have to maintain these beliefs? They will say, ‘It is a matter of faith’. I would say, ‘That is what the leaders want you to think, as there lies their power over your free thinking.’

 

People have died, been killed and still suffer as a result of these widespread beliefs, used, it has to be said, for the benefit of those making the rules. I have yet to see those in the higher hierarchical levels living in poverty or homeless. Those who send young fanatical people to their deaths (and the ‘promise’) are themselves hiding and unprepared to face the same fate. Why? If it is true they should want to be the first in the queue.

 

All is, and always has been, conjecture and taking advantage of people’s fears.

 

But, not for much longer!

 

How can I write such a sentence? How dare I? I shall be thought by many to be sacrilegious or infamous or, by the non- believers, merely someone writing stupid nonsense. I am none of these, I assure you, but someone with feet firmly on the ground. Hear me out.

 

Having trained and worked as a doctor for over 35 yrs and specialising in psychiatry, my main area of interest was in unresolved traumas and the phenomenon of disassociation. This is a state where a part of the mind separates from ‘here and now’ reality for a space of time – it is an extreme protective mechanism when fear or pain is too great to bear. It is a phenomenon that occurs mainly, or more easily, in children under the age of about 7yrs. I was always interested in where this part ‘went’ and what happened. I have written about the importance of this ‘ability’ in childhood traumas and the possible effects in adult life - in an article on my website. I mention these facts at this time so that readers will understand that for over 35 years I have been studying the ways in which humans respond – e.g. how they react in different circumstances. I trained in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) many years ago - when it was still in its infancy - to aid me in the task of knowing how people think.

 

I was always a diligent student if I had respect for my tutor and felt that his/her knowledge was greater than mine in any subject. I learned a great amount from my patients – I saw very many over the years and I felt privileged when each shared their inner experiences with me. But an open mind was of the essence for successful treatment – both for patient and therapist, and the same is necessary to be able to question established beliefs. Ask yourself this question - ‘Dare I have an open mind?’

 

Let me add some further information. Just over three years ago – after several years of increasingly difficult breathing problems (the reasons are irrelevant to this article), I nearly died of a tension pneumothorax. Without labouring the point, let me just say that it happened, in the end, very suddenly. I had stopped breathing by the time the ambulance men arrived and on arrival at the hospital my carbon dioxide levels were seven times higher than those required to cause unconsciousness. Now, these are facts – facts measured by machines and documented.

 

But, next day in ITU, I was told I screamed loudly and for a long time when I was in the A&E department during resuscitation! I had no memory of this, being unconscious at the time. I was somewhere else, though at one point I briefly heard someone screaming in the distance – as if in a room somewhere down a long, unknown corridor. I remember thinking, ‘Why does someone not help that poor woman?’ But how could I scream? Medically - it was simply impossible.

 

I have no conscious recall of any events on this plane of existence from when I was watching the TV at home about 10 pm until I woke up in the ITU at 3.30 am. I thought I was dreaming and must be in a telephone exchange as I couldn’t make any sense of the noises around me - until I heard someone call my name and I eventually opened my eyes. I was bewildered. Where was this place and how had I arrived there?

 

People tend to die when they suffer this condition as the lungs and heart get squashed in the process and the body and brain are quickly starved of oxygen. Unexpectedly I survived, and, miraculously, without brain damage. I spent ten days in intensive care and the following three years passed in differing intensity of physical pain. Very gradually, and with decreasing breathlessness, my body has eventually healed.

 

During those hours of near death, I never saw a bright light, as many people recall. No, on the contrary, I was alone and travelled for what seemed a long time and for a long way through unbroken darkness. Then I remember talking to someone – a male voice – who told me quite calmly, kindly but firmly that I must return to live on the earth. He said that one day I would return to the ‘gate’ and be allowed to enter. But I could not at that time. I remember he seemed to know all about me and my life. I felt very angry that I was being sent back. I did not want to leave my dear family, but neither did I want to return to the suffering I had already experienced and to my very ill body. But he insisted and said, ‘Your body is getting cold. You must go back - now. You have still much to do. You must write your books and tell what you know.’

 

I was not allowed to die. I was given no choice. That decision made me feel a great sense of rejection, but in a strange way it helped me through the extreme pain that followed as I knew I would not and, in fact, could not die - however bad it was. I learned I had to accept and endure whatever each day brought. I had been returned to a continual torment which lasted for just over three years. Many were the times I longed to have been spared the agonies – I remained angry for a long time, at the same time being grateful that I had not left my husband and family. It was a strange time of conflict.

 

But, bearing in mind what I had been told, then, during that time, when physically incapable of normal activities, I started my ‘task’ by processing some of my many poems into, so far, three books -  ‘Growing Up’, ‘Coping with Illness and Grief’, and ‘Choice for Teenagers’. A local printer helped, over and above any usual remit, and my elder brother painted some delightful pictures to illustrate some of the poems. I sell them via the internet, with £1 per book being given to a children’s charity. I wrote the poems initially for my grandchildren and then expanded my brief due to my concern for young people. Being a psychiatrist, for so many years, means that I can never watch or hear about certain behaviours without knowing the possible, inevitable or often tragic results! The poems have a purpose – to help children and teenagers. They cover many relevant topics e.g. about the need to be kind, to have courage, that life needs effort to be worthwhile and to realise that all behaviour has consequences. These messages are given through the medium of rhyming and often metaphorical verse. They are serious in intent but often quite humorous as, basically, I am quite light hearted and do not ‘preach or moralise’. I just use my experience of life and work and tell it how it is.

 

Then, one day in April 2008, I started to write the first of the ‘story’ books referred to at the ‘gate’. It is called ‘BEYOND MERCY’ and is on sale from any of my various websites – again via my websites.

 

Now, after giving some brief information about my impromptu journey into the ‘unknown’, let me tell you why I said, ‘But not for much longer.’

 

On the surface my book is story about a family - at the end of the fifteenth century. Several members are killed, and the narrative tells what happened at the time, the subsequent events and the diligent search for information. Details of the events and search were, to my understanding, originally documented in 1501, So what? Pretty ordinary you may think. But, the ordinariness disappears when I tell you that this documentation has never been found. I have done no research into the facts for the book, nor read any books about medieval times. But I know that my book about these events will be proved to be true .

 

So, how do I know? The information was gradually given to me in bits and pieces. This happened in large measure during the seemingly endless days and nights over the dire years of pain, breathlessness and little sleep, though I had known some of the facts for several years. Images, bits of conversations, sequences and such like came into my mind. I have an excellent memory and so was able to put all these pieces together – like doing a very big and complicated jigsaw, but without having any picture to follow. Yet, surprisingly, like a jigsaw, every piece eventually fitted into place until I could write the complete story.

 

During the time that I was ill in bed, my husband cared for me with great unselfishness. That time, though dreadful, was, in hindsight, necessary - in order for me to access the knowledge and write this book. I would stress that none of it would have been of my choosing! But, such was the power of the ‘command’ at the gate and such was the pain I had to endure, that I wrote with a total commitment.

 

I know that the original document will be found. Read the book to find out when, where and how. Once the information is found, the question will be ‘how and from where did Audrey Coatesworth get her information?’ It was certainly not from any earthly source.

 

I will give a clue by adding one other piece of information. When I was very young, I had a ‘friend’ who would watch me while I played with two distinctive and memorable dolls who I named Ann and Peter. She was always silent, and she would sit on the blue lino flooring of the bedroom - as if for company. The girl looked exactly like me. I know now that I have lived before and been a twin. When I was young, I knew the child’s name was Penny and, while she was with me, I called myself Jenny. When I was about 7 yrs of age, she stopped appearing. I always thought she was real and must have moved to a different place, and I learned to accept she was no longer there.

 

When I was older, I asked my mother what happened to those dolls. She said that I had never had any dolls like the ones I described! I realised that those years were during the Second World War and neither they nor any one else would have given or could have afforded such dolls for me.

 

But when I was ill - as a young child with severe asthma, I now know that I unconsciously altered my mental state as a child in order to cope and, while in that state, I could see her when she came to sit with me. I would have appeared to be sleeping, should I have been observed. She came to help me through the worst times. She has ‘helped’ me in other dire times throughout my life, as if I was lost or in danger I would get ‘help’ in different ways. She did the same again when I nearly died - and now I know, as I was told very clearly - my twin screamed. I was ‘elsewhere’ arguing against my enforced survival!

 

From the realm of spiritual existence - where she is, she has knowledge that transcends normal earthly time and, through great suffering, I have now the contact with her and can share that knowledge. This book and the others that I shall write will prove this to be so, as I know that all my books will have some kind of eventual proof.

 

So, should anyone disagree with what I say, I simple ask, ‘On what evidence do you disagree?’ I will listen, as I did with all my tutors and teachers, if their knowledge exceeds mine. But, I would have to ask the so called ‘experts’ - in the hierarchy of the world’s religions, who have such influence over many people’s lives by saying that they know the answers, and the scientists who state that there is no God or a ‘hereafter’- a question. ‘How do you know? I have faced both death and the ‘hereafter’– have you done either? If so, tell me about your experience as I am always eager to learn.’

 

I write to obey the command, ‘Go back and write your books, and tell what you know’. You would have to be either very foolish or very arrogant to ignore such a command – from such a place! I am neither.

 

When the document is found and my book, BEYOND MERCY, is shown to be accurate, then what I now say will be accepted as the truth. I look forward with anticipation to that time. I know that there is another plane of existence beyond this life and death and a link is possible to prove that fact. My books will be my evidence.

 

But, I also know that there is one God, and that there is one ‘simple’ rule connected with that plane – called, by most people, Heaven. Eternal life is not a matter of certainty for all, as people may hope, believe or been told, or even discard the notion. No – all must answer for their actions in life on earth i.e. they will ‘reap what they sow’ and this life determines what happens after death. The rule is not a rule of punishment as that implicates the actions of another being, but one of retribution and true justice. It applies to all human beings, whatever their race, creed, colour, or station in life and is dependent solely on their ability to understand their actions.

 

Read BEYOND MERCY – everyone has a right to their own opinion. Please, have an open mind and be prepared to ask relevant questions about old beliefs. All I ask is that, before making a judgment about what I write or dismissing it out of hand, people should read my book. It will be on sale in August 2009 - information will be on my websites. Then, and only then - with that knowledge, feel free to make comments. There is a comments page on the website of the book.

 

I finish by saying that what I have written about my experiences is as honest and accurate as anyone could be and I have written my book. Time will be my judge.