Do you know someone with a chronic illness? Want to cheer them up? Here are some things to say and do--and a few phrases to avoid at all cost!

     I have a chronic illness. It's permanent.  It might go underground (remission), but it will never go away.  I have friends who cheer me up, and friends who grind me down like vinegar poured on chalk.  Here are some things that really help me:

Pray for your friend--out loud, with her, if possible and practical

Talk to your friend about other interests in her life, not just her illness

Tell jokes

Ask questions about how the person feels--then listen to the response. 

Continue the friendship

Support other family members struggling with the illness of their loved one.

 



Then there are people who don't understand why I have an illness at my age (45) or why a person in my position (minister's wife) would be sick.  Job of Bible fame told his friends, "You are miserable comforters."  We should practice positive comforting techniques. 

 

Don't: Tell the person that God doesn't want them to be sick, that more faith would erase the condition, etc. 

     Why not?  Chances are, the sick person is already having some mighty serious discussions with God, and won't appreciate you denigrating her faith. 

      Doesn't God want all sick people to be well?  He chose not to fix Paul's illness.  He allowed Satan to test Job.  Jesus healed people when they  needed to see that He could forgive sins.  But no place in the Bible says that all God's children will be wealthy and healthy--or how would we ever die and make the journey to heaven?  

Don't: Offer health advice unless it's solicited. 

Don't act as though their experience is just like your Aunt Flo's. 

Don't cite all the dire things that may happen. 

     I visit a lot of folks in the hospital with my husband.  When we see people who are terminally ill, they are usually working through the grief process.  They may be angry, feeling like doctors haven't done enough to help them.  They may deny the seiousness of their condition.  They may have worked through the anger and grief, and be accepting that death is imminent.  Wherever they are, they need a listening ear, a word of scripture, and a caring touch.  So do their families.  They need to know that God and the Christian community still care.