don't occur by accident. They aren't a product of good chemistry or fortune.

     My school students have just written essays on marriage and divorce.  Clearly, they think the enterprise is a crap-shoot.  It's not.  Sometimes, a painful marriage makes divorce look like a good option. However, I believe there are things a person can do to enhance the possibility of a good marriage.

     Read and think about the big questions in life. What is love?  What is the destination of my life journey?  Who will be compatible on my particular journey? I recommend classics like I Corinthians 13 in the Bible, which describes the epitome of godly love.  Also, the Song of Songs for the description of sexuality in a godly marriage. 

      Avoid the dramatic Hollywood pitfalls, such as believing that your love can change a hooker into a demure wife (Pretty Woman), or a bad boy into a respectable husband. Naughty people make exciting dates, but their attractions will pall in the face of bills and sick children and family reunions. 

         Marriage is a project.  Gardens must be weeded. If you want a crop, you must plant and tend it.  Partners must be given room to grow; no person or marriage is a finished statue. Being human means we change constantly.  No person should control another--we are responsible to God for our choices, not just to each other. 

      Of course, you may safeguard yourself in many ways and still wind up in divorce court.  There is no way to guarantee your heart will not be broken by someone you love.  However, committing to happiness is the first step.  Be resilient.  Take God's hand in the enterprise of family life.  He established marriage and the family. His word is full of ways to an abiding marriage that will bring happiness to those who dare to enter. Don't accept cheap substitutes; lasting marriage costs more in terms of effort, but rewards us with a lifetime of love.