Before embarking on a journey through the convoluted corridors of government process, it is, perhaps, useful to gain some understanding of the philosophy that provides the foundations for current government procedures.

To do this we need to look back at early civilizations. It is there that we will find our answers.

For many thousands of years people have lived with forms of government that included feudal systems, totalitarian monarchs and dictators, forms of democracy, or in some cases, total anarchy.

During the formative years of democracy, some two thousand years ago, there were some significant thinkers who studied the way the systems worked and developed advice for those involved. Prior to working in government, it is wise for potential bureaucrats to take time to research these philosophers. This will assist in understanding the environment into which they are going.

While numerous individuals have studied the area, four major philosophers carved out reputations as being at the forefront of this field. These are Obstructius, Burocrates, Futilius, and Dillayus.

 Obstructius – The first and greatest

Not many people have heard of the great government philosopher Obstructius.

He lived from 550 BC to 470BC in a time when China was still fragmented. He is an often forgotten philosopher who devised many pearls of wisdom about how governments should be run.  The list is extremely lengthy, however I have included a selection of some of the more pertinent quotes with which the new government employee should become familiar.  Successful public servants may want to have some of these motivational sayings pinned somewhere around their workstations.

• By three methods may we run government: First, by obstruction, which is noblest; second, by procrastination, which is easiest; and third by out-sourcing, which is dearest.
• To be able to practice the five paradigms everywhere in government constitutes perfect virtue: delay decisions, cover one’s arse, show no initiative, do not communicate and remain anonymous.
• A public servant who commits a mistake and does not correct it should follow government paradigm number two.
• The will to confuse, the desire to delay, the urge to reach complete anonymity…these are the keys that will unlock the door to public service excellence.
• He who speaks without jargon will find it difficult to achieve promotion in government.

Burocrates – The Greek perspective

The pre-eminent Greek philosopher was Burocrates. Born in 450 BC, Burocrates studied early democracy and looked at government in a holistic manner.  He regarded it as a form of art. He viewed public servants as artists whose job was to provide aesthetically pleasing processes and outcomes in a manner that was not rushed by the mere inconvenience of time. He was a contemporary of Socrates, and it is rumoured that these two philosophers spent many hours discussing the relative merits of democracy and royal rule, over large amounts of wine. 

He met his death in 385 BC when he found himself in an argument with another contemporary, Aristophanes, who accused him of having all the characteristics of the popular politicians he studied: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.  They both died when their brains dribbled out of their ears due to the banality of their arguments.

Unfortunately, Burocrates is not widely known and few, if any, academics have seriously studied his work. However, he leaves us with some notable quotes including:

• The pure art of government should be unsullied by the ticking of the clock.
• Where the path appears straight and without danger, extra care should be taken and your pace slowed.
• A quick decision is like a premature ejaculation. It deprives the bureaucrat of respect and leaves him feeling unsatisfied.
• The vote is a precious thing, its value priceless; never have so many people been kept happy by such a futile act.
• Let a politician announce decisions and keep him happy for a day. Let a politician think he made the decisions, and keep him happy for a whole term of government.

Futilius - The study of committees

Ancient Rome had a philosopher who made a career out of investigating the bureaucratic process of committees – Futilius. 

Futilius carried out his work in the time of Lucius Cornelius Sulla, Gaius Julius Caesar and Augustus. He was born in Rome in 99BC and died shortly after Julius Caesar in 40 BC.

He studied the public service of the day.  Only three weeks before his death he had been asked to chair a committee, at which time he decided to put his theories to the test to get practical feedback on his research. After two weeks in charge, he was brutally stabbed to death by the committee’s executive officer.

As with Burocrates, he developed much useful advice that has stood the test of time, but received little recognition for his work. He specialized in the study of how the most successful of committees operated. Five of his pearls of wisdom are included below.

• Chairs should every night call themselves to an account; what decision have they delayed today? What proposals opposed? What innovation resisted? What public servant frustrated? Other people’s projects will abort of themselves if they be brought every day to this account.
• Be extremely vague, even to the point of deferral. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of confusion. Thereby you can be the director of the public servant’s demise into insanity.
• All public servants servicing the Board pass through three stages. First, they are ridiculed. Second, they are violently opposed. Third, it is accepted that they are too difficult to change and they are ignored.
• All Board meetings are based on procrastination. There is no place where the brakes are not applied. Offer the public servants hope to lure them in, and then trap them in a cage of frustration. 
• Where no policy exists, ask for a new one; where a policy exists, ask for a new one; where there is no need for a policy, insist on a new one.

Dillayus – Out of the shadow of Futilius

At the same time that Nero was striding through the corridors of Rome, Dillayus was contemplating the complex area of government decision-making. He was born in Rome in 5 AD and grew up reading much of the work of Futilius. He identified areas that Futilius had not spent much time researching, specialising in the study of emergency situations where decisions appeared imminent.  He is perhaps not as well known as Futilius, and might not have had the same standing. He did, however, produce a large body of work that remains relevant. He died in 64 AD after being trapped in the great fire that swept Rome, finding himself unable to decide on the best course of action until it was too late to make a difference.  His desperate calls for a consultant to advise him about the proper course of action remained unanswered, as all the consultants had left for greener, and less hazardous, pastures. His gems of wisdom include:

• When in doubt, employ an outside expert to review all information.
• The pure joy of procrastination is unrivalled by other experience in government.
• When all other means of obstruction have been exhausted, all that is left is public consultation, the mother of all delaying tactics.
• There is never enough information to make a decision. Those who disagree are not in possession of all the facts.
• When all is lost and a decision is inevitable, take solace in the fact that you did everything possible to prevent it.