The four major parenting models you'll find in a psychology text book are as follows: Authoritative, neglectful, permissive and authoritarian. They are spot on.
Authoritative parents have high expectations for their children, but are supportive, kind, gentle and understanding. They explain the who, what and why and how they come to their conclusions, appealing to authority outside of themselves to guide and teach their children. They say things like "the wisdom of my grandmother," or "the time-tested method experienced by everyone," rather than things like "Do it because I said so." Questions and discussion are welcomed. Children growing up with this style of parenting are typically secure, confident and creative.
Neglectful parents are unaware of what their children are doing. They let the children figure out things for themselves (still you can teach problem-solving). These parents don't teach values and skills. They simply don't challenge their children. Children of such a parenting style are often angry and insecure because they can't trust the family to guide them and they lack the knowledge and skill necessary to navigate life's turmoil when it comes.
Permissive or indulgent parents care about their children and are involved in their lives, but are less demanding or directive. They tend to avoid confrontation and allow the children to set their own goals and standards. Few rules exist, and when those few are broken, permissive parents are inconsistent about responding, or in the consequences they impose. While these children feel loved, they don't trust the family to protect them. Children feel insecure and don't understand the appropriate boundaries. Children from these families also tend to be self-centered.
Authoritarian parents, also called strict, are demanding but not responsive. They allow little open dialogue yet have high expectations; relying on punishment to teach obedience and lessons. While these may feel loved, they don't feel respected. They have problems with authority because they don't understand why decisions are made and assume that there are no good reasons other than the power of the authority figure. Children of these families have trouble getting along with others and are often aggressive or contrary. They often have low self-esteem and poor communication skills.
Yet, there are times, such as when a child runs out into the street, when an authoritarian "Stop now!" is, in fact, an appropriate response to the child's welfare.
This writer does believe that authoritative parents who teach, love, support, and simply live well among their children do better than those who generally apply the other styles of parenting.
How do we become ourselves? This is a complex question. Is it nurture or nature, or a combination of both?
Perhaps children are born with a predisposition to have certain character traits, and the kind of parenting that suits a child with a robust, outgoing temperament may not suit a less outgoing child, for example.
However, I believe for the most part, we learn, through socialization, who we are, and formative years up to say, 7 years of age, are the most crucial, and thus parenting styles you describe will impact on the child most during these early years.
In addition, the child's position in the family, for example, only child, first born, middle child and youngest child, will also influence, though not determine, their sense of self, and their psychological position in the family as a microcosm of the world as a whole.
I believe that caregivers, the extended family,such as grandparents, and teachers , also influence outcomes for the social development of children, too.
It is very much a case of "show me the child, and I'll show you the man."
Of course, later on, peer groups, mentors, and role models will also play a part in influencing the development of character, which is potentially in process throughout life.
Ron