What do children wish for Christmas...toys, candy, etc.

Foster Children for something else...find out what it is!

Fifty-five years ago, in the early hours of onemorning, a young nineteen year old unwed woman gavebirth to her first child...a boy.She spent most of her pregnancy in a home for unwedmothers as her father would not, as he said, allow abastard child in his house.She was uneducated and unable to provide even thebasic needs for her newborn child.She did what she thought would be best for him. Sheplaced him lovingly for adoption within hours afterhis birth.She wished for him the best; a loving, nurturing,stable family and a home to call his own.Instead he spent the first year of life in a hospitalnursery and also the nursery of the same home forunwed mothers his mother had spent her pregnancy.Despite being a white, blond, hazel eye, healthy baby,no one came forward to adopt him...he was NOBODY'SChild!Those first days in a nursery turned out to beeighteen years of being moved from one foster home toanother or institution; fourteen moves by age eleven.During those years he would attend many schools, neverhaving long time friends. He at a time would find hisbed on a back porch and be forced to steal food fromother children at school to dampen his hunger painsfrom being fed only one meal a day. He would face thehorror of sexual abuse at the tender age of ten.Each Christmas, as he heard the carol, "All I want forChristmas" he would change a few of the words so hisbirth mother's wish for him would become a reality.All I want for Christmas is a Mom and Dad to call myown! That this would be the Christmas a family wouldadopt him and call him son!His wish never became a reality. Christmas, the mostjoyous time of the year for children, became a time ofanguish and pain for this boy. The pain continues evennow.  He aged out of the system at eighteen, thrust out intothe world whether he was ready or not. Somehow, with the help of a few mentors, hope and adeep inner faith this baby boy was able to overcomethe years of his childhood. He received a collegeeducation and began a professional career.At age of thirty-one he suffered a massive heartattack. He could not answer the doctor's question of;"What's your family medical history?" He wasembarrassed and ashamed for as far as he knew...hestill had no family to call his own.He began a search for the person who he thought wouldbe able to provide some answers...the mother wholovingly relinquished him years earlier.The search took four long years. It was a painful,trying and at times a frustrating journey as he metnumerous obstacles along the way. He remembers vividly the message left on his answeringmachine on April 17, 1986, "This is your mother!" Theywould speak a few hours later...a phone call thatwould last for hours. His spine still tingles and eyestear up as he remembers that day now nineteen yearslater.He met his birth mother not many months later. Itunfortunately was just the beginning to what turnedout to be a very strained relationship at best. They never developed a mother/son relationship; evensaying they became friends would be stretching it.This relationship ended tragically a mere twelve yearslater. Painfully it happened on Christmas Day 1998,the first and only Christmas he would ever spend withany immediate family. His mother, on her own accordthis time, rejected her son and wished him dead as shecould not bear learning her son...her first born...wasgay.All the anguish of the unfulfilled Christmas wish ofthe past years came flowing back to him. He wouldspend that Christmas night alone in a hotel, cryinghimself to sleep. After all these years he realized hestill did not have a family to call his own andprobably never would....he was still NOBODY'S CHILD! Despite several attempts at reconciliation by the son;mother and son were never to speak or see each otheragain in her lifetime. She passed away just shy ofthree years after turning her son away.The son, after time, was able to forgive his motherand to thank her for not only giving him life butmaking the decision she did on the day of his birth.Despite how his childhood was; it had been the correctdecision.He also was able to search, find and meet his fatheronce. His father did not wish for a relationship andhis father passed away four years after he found him.His half siblings, from both his mother and father'sside, rejected him as their brother. The one foster family whom he called to be Mom andDad, even after he was on his own, are both longpassed away.What should be a joyous occasion remains a painful dayas it always has been. It brings forth those memoriesof a childhood he cares not to remember. He has, in recent years, found and met extendedfamily. They have welcomed him with open and lovingarms. He has even been able to share Christmas withmany of them. Yet, pain, rather than joy, is hisholiday season...there is a hole in his soul! He will receive well wishes from friends, extendedfamily and others this holiday season. However, inmany ways he will still feel alone. There will neverbe Christmas wishes from a mother, father, brothers orsisters...and his heart breaks. His eyes still tear upwhen he hears, "I'll be Home for Christmas."Despite those painful memories he moves forward. Thehope and faith that sustained him through these manyyears continues to sustain him.How do I know each detail of this person's life?  I amthat son born to the unwed mother fifty-five yearsago.The wounds of the passed have in many cases healed;however, there are many that just scabbed over waitingto be broken open anew...they will never heal. The onethat will never completely heal; a Christmas wishnever to be!Why do I share these memories with you? It is not toobtain any sympathy for I survived my childhood andwill survive it all and continue moving on with mylife.I share it because of the thousands of "legal orphans"stuck within our foster care system today awaitingtheir forever family to come forward...to call themson or daughter.Many people have asked me over the years, "What did Iwant the most as a child and what do kids in fostercare today want?" The answer to that question is nodifferent today than it was for me as a child; "Afamily and home to call my/their own!"Millions of children will write their wish list toSanta this year. In most cases the one wish of fosterchildren will not be written or vocalized. They willhold it deep within their hearts as many have been toodisappointed on Christmas's past.  They will awaken Christmas morning bright eyed andwishful only to have their little hearts broken yetagain...there will be no family or home to call theirown. They will lay their heads upon their pillows, ifthey are lucky enough to have even a temporary home,tears within their eyes but yet a hopeful heart thatmaybe, just maybe, next year!As we begin to think of baking gingerbread houses,decorating our trees and homes, buying gifts for lovedones or sending a card to a friend; I ask you to thinkof the children in foster care that would love to be apart of your holiday planning.It is far too late to make their wish come true  thisyear in most cases, however, if you begin working onit now it could become real for next Christmas. If you are unable, for whatever reason, to bringanother's child into your life as your own please dosomething to at least brighten their holiday season abit.Many will find under a tree, as I did so many times,only their semi-annual clothing allotment from fostercare and maybe a toy or two.Visit your local agency; bring a gift or offer to hosta party; anything to make the holidays just a tadeasier for them.No, their Christmas wish won't be fulfilled by thesegestures, but it might bring a smile to their face forat least a bit. Clothes, toys, candy etc will last just a short time;a family and home can last forever.Won't you consider being a forever family to a fosterchild in need of one and make their Christmas wish,their everyday wish, a reality. On this Holy Night ofthe year let them once and for all sing, "I am Homefor Christmas!" Make the Christmas season a time of joy for a child,after-all Christmas is for kids!Peace! Lawrence P. Adams is the author of: "Lost Son? A Bastard Child's Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery and Healing" and "A Voice from the Voiceless and Forgotten." Both books are available at ALL major on line book retailers. Mr. Adams has also had numerous articles published of the need for child welfare reform and currently serves as an Advocacy Ambassador for IAC (International Advocates for Children).  Author's web site: http://www.larrya.us