What Are Some of the Reasons Why We Might Decide to Leave the Church We Have Been Attending?

DIFFICULT DECISIONS

It’s painful when you have been on staff or a member of a church for a long time and have been taught on a variety of biblical topics, along with being informed as to what is expected of you, and then you change your mind about a doctrinal position and whether you should be less engaged in participating in church activities.

In my novice years (led by the Spirit but unlearned in doctrinal overview) as a Christian, I became involved in a worldwide ministry. I was even asked to go on staff, which I did. I can’t tell you how my life has changed from being a prisoner of my sin nature to being occupied with the Word of God and impacted by the presence of the Holy Spirit. I met my wife in this ministry, went to Bible school, co-labored in a branch ministry overseeing an 8-12th-grade Christian day school, conducted a Bible study, and at times was asked to deliver a message during Sunday morning service.



However, there were teachings about some of the biblical topics that I couldn’t seem to agree with, such as: only men are called by God to church leadership, giving financially must be in the form of tithing and free-will offerings, drinking alcohol is forbidden, members should sell their real estate holdings and give the money to the church, the message from the pulpit must be obeyed unequivocally, etc. It wasn’t my intention to cause division, but rather to learn the biblical basis for why the church believed what it taught. And if it were determined through study, prayer, and the teaching ministry of the Holy Spirit that there was an alternate scriptural view on a certain theological subject, I would have to figure out how to proceed.



Another major reason an attendee might consider leaving a church is, simply put, a scandal. In many cases, the types of incidents that precipitate this are sexual and financial in nature. Unfortunately, the founder of the worldwide ministry that I participated in was accused of embezzling large sums of money by exercising undue influence over an extremely wealthy church member. The trial took place in my hometown, and after all was said and done, the ministry’s president was found guilty of the charge.



One other issue that might cause a church member to leave their place of fellowship, aside from moving too far away, is manipulation. What I mean is that church teachings on obedience are so restrictive and overbearing that any deviation from what is expected of a member results in severe scolding and, in some cases, an imperative to leave entirely.

I hope this study has provided you with a better understanding of the many aspects of our Christian faith that can be confusing and unsettling, with the hope that through further study on your own, asking advice from a fellow believer whom you consider approachable and humble, and continual prayer to God the Father in the name of His Son by means of the teaching ministry of the Holy Spirit, so you can make informed, albeit difficult decisions. Before we close, I would like to leave you with an article that might help you on your spiritual journey.

ABUSE OF AUTHORITY

There is a fine line between the healthy and unhealthy use of power. At any time, even the best of leaders can begin making decisions that increasingly put their own interests before the needs of others. The misuse of authority, however, is not always subtle. History tells the stories of countless leaders who boldly acted as if their position placed them above real accountability.

Biblical examples of misused power

In Bible times, the sons of Samuel used their appointments as judges of Israel to take bribes, pervert justice, and accumulate personal wealth. Later, God’s choice for the first king of Israel, Saul, abused his power in an effort to kill the man chosen to be his successor. When David became king, he misused the authority of the throne of Israel to commit adultery with the wife of one of his officers. Then David conspired to have Bathsheba’s husband killed.

Centuries later, a little-known church leader named Diotrephes misused his position by denouncing others to elevate himself. He was so protective of his own position that he would not even welcome the [Apostle] John into his congregation (3 John 1:9-10). We don’t know how Diotrephes publicly explained his lack of hospitality. But [privately,] he might have assumed that all he had done for the church entitled him to unchallenged prominence in the group.

The principle and the red flags

In biblical times and now, abuse of authority involves a harmful and destructive pattern of leadership that diverts organizational power for personal use at the expense of others.



A culture of fear. Such abuse of authority thrives in a culture whose people fear one another. Leaders are afraid of losing power. Subordinates know the danger of confronting those in authority. Loyalty is emphasized to distract from what is really happening. Mutual intimidation lies just under the surface of what seems safe to talk about or question.

A culture of confusion. In church or parachurch groups, leaders sometimes use spiritual language that implies they have a private line to God. The result is that the group learns to hear the teaching or prayerful decisions of leadership as if they were listening to God. Such confusion leads to trouble.

A culture of control and exclusion. When spiritual overseers are not held accountable to fair process and well-defined checks and balances, they can impose their will in ways that go beyond their rightful sphere of control. Such leaders may remove a noncompliant person from the group, not for the sake of the organization but as a means to protect their own leadership. By threatening exclusion for noncompliance, leaders can require submission in matters that are more personal than public, more cultural than biblical, and more arbitrary than fairly reasoned. Ironically, abusive leaders often suggest that their own accountability to God places them above criticism and question, without granting the same freedom to others. In the noise and commotion of such abuse, phrases like “touch not the Lord’s anointed” or “obey them that have the rule over you” are used, not to promote a healthy fear of the Lord but rather an unhealthy fear of men.



A better example

Jesus’ example of leadership is a corrective to such abuse of authority. In His kingdom, leaders think and act like servants. They hear the questions and cries of those who are hurting. They give others the consideration they want for themselves. In Jesus’ kingdom, elders and deacons do not correct someone else without first working on their own faults (Luke 6:39,41-42). They remember the Lord’s words: “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40).

One leader’s inspired counsel

Listen to what one of Jesus’ understudies tells us. Watch for the value the [Apostle] Peter puts on heartfelt service. Note that he wants both elders and church members to serve [God,] not by coercion but because they desire to. Peter writes to fellow elders, “Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:2-3).

Spiritual shepherds are not to “lord it over” the flock of God. Just as overseers, elders, and deacons are not to be pressed into service, neither are they to intimidate, shame, or compel others to serve, to give, or to follow. Even when confronting false teachers, representatives of Christ are not to be authoritarian in style, but “gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition” (2 Timothy 2:24-25).

Sooner or later, therefore, we need to realize that we don’t honor even the most trusted spiritual leaders by believing everything they say. We give them their rightful place when we weigh their words, ask important questions, and dig into the text of their message for ourselves.

The New Testament record of Acts honors the citizens of Berea precisely because they did not passively accept what they were taught by Paul and Silas. Instead, our record of the New Testament church says of the Bereans, “These were more fair-minded than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so” (Acts 17:11).

The implication is clear. God does not give His leaders power and authority to control anyone, but to speak a truth that sets people free.

Father in heaven, please help us to love and reflect the leadership of Your Son. Teach us to follow Him by listening to the questions and cries of the weakest among us, while reserving strong words only for those who are using their authority at the expense of those they have been called to protect.

Father, may those of us who are in supportive roles learn to respect those who are leading, while also learning to think for ourselves. Please give us hearts that are ready to hear Your Word, eager to learn, and ready to express, by our actions, the truth and grace of Your Son.165

I want to thank you for reading this book. I hope you found it informative and enriching in your spiritual walk. God bless you!



Endnotes

165“Abuse of Authority,” Our Daily Bread 13 January 2025

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