Life after death: this entry by composer Laurie Conrad speaks about her clairvoyance into other realms. Some of her honors include: Who's Who in American Music, The International Who's Who and Who's Who in America. Cds of her music "Early Songs" and "Visions for Harp & Flute" are now available at www.figarobooks.com.

Journal Entry November 20, 2004

M. is on the phone with South Africa, relatives. I am packing to go to the Lakehouse (Windgarth). Terrible news, Cindy, our neighbor there, died in a car crash early Thursday. The memorial service will be Sunday. Packing nice clothes to wear, I started to cry because Cindy, when she dressed up in her flowered cotton dresses & a big bow in her hair, looked like an angel or fairy ...

Her husband Larry is distraught, & so is Deb. Deb called three times on Thursday, or was it four. She said she would mow the lawn for Larry for no payment in the future and also mulch all the leaves. She was crying & said she was down the road when the crash happened. When I called Larry I told him that I felt her loving presence & that she was very happy and radiant. He asked me if there were any messages from her & I said yes, that she would love us all until the end of time. (Which was what she said to me. There are some advantages to clairvoyance.) He seemed to calm down, at least for the moment.

Afterwards, I realized that she must have been with me as I copied out the second movement of my score to the quintet (until 4 a.m.) on Wednesday - it was her presence I felt in the room as I worked, her love ... She often stayed up all night, as I do - and we would meet outside and look at the stars from the road out front, or walk to the water & watch the moonlight reflected on the lake, the bright swatch of light coming towards us from across the lake to our feet. Or I would meet her in the gardens at dawn, I in my pajamas - and she in her nightdress, like a vision in the pale morning light ...

She had stopped by to visit me in town a few weeks ago, & I had played her my master demo copy of "Visions for Flute & Harp" - & she had happily danced around the room to parts of it, gently, lightly, like a fluffy white cloud. Interesting, now I am starting to work on the third movement of my sketches for the string quintet, and it is a dance ... I will try to imagine Cindy dancing in another realm ...

Well now she is more beautiful and more radiant & transparent than ever & very, very happy. Beautiful Cindy. Even with my clairvoyance & clairaudience, I still have many tears because it is a great loss for me personally just now. In time, I will become accustomed to our new relationship, with Cindy in one realm and myself in another, a better relationship really - but at the present moment it is very hard.

I also now see that the pages of music I wrote the other day for St. Michael, those mysterious pages that came to me as I walked into town - was one of Cindy’s parting Gifts to me. As though the veil lifted for some hours, so that I could finally see & hear the piece I had wanted to write for so many years. Coming & going, incarnating & "dying", are never accidents & are planned by God & the soul well in advance. And looking back, in Cindy’s case, I see the signs. Now, in retrospect, little things that were said & done in the past few months make more sense. Yet I was not given the entire truth, consciously, that Cindy was soon leaving our earth for other realms. Clairvoyance is given by God, and when He does not wish us to see something - we do not see it. Well, dear Cindy is now in Heaven & we are still here on earth, struggling & gaining merit.

It will be our first time at Windgarth since her accident & death - I am hoping to clairvoyantly see her working in the gardens, preparing them for winter. Even as I know that she is with me now, as I write this, looking over my shoulder, with her Love & my Love surrounding us - the human part of me still misses her so greatly I cannot bear the pain.

It is raining here in town. Even so, I wish to first walk in the gardens & sit on the dock when we first arrive at Windgarth. I will bring the score to the quintet with me, and plunk some notes out on the old upright piano we have there.