All too often we enter into relationships for such superficial reasons.

The other night, while thumbing idly through a glossy home decor magazine, I came upon a comment that set off a whole train of thought in this head of mine. A man was quoted as saying that when he first visited his prospective wife's home for the first time, he knew he'd marry her. Why? Because she placed objects on top of her carefully displayed coffee table books .As I sat there trying to sort out the logic of this being a basis for marriage, I began to understand why so many marriages fail here in the US.

People marry because someone fits their social profile, has the right income, or prospect of it, is great in bed, or shares a mania for porcelain pug dogs. Women natter on endlessly about their need for a feminized, sensitized male, who can totally relate to her female nature. Yet complain that these "caring" males fall apart in a crisis, or cannot take a firm stand on anything crucial. Instead of looking beyond the surface to the things that truly matter in an abiding relationship, most of these couples are marrying mirror images of themselves.

So I began thinking about what characteristics I would look for in my ideal male. Since marriage is as much about we, as it is about each individual in the relationship, I found these things were most important in choosing a partner.

Honesty-a total lack of need to pretend or hide who we are. Along with this, a commitment to always be truthful with each other. Along with this comes fidelity, something I value very highly.

Acceptance- Allowing your loved one his/her flaws, without judgement or intent to change them to suit us..

Personal Integrity- For me this is a must. Any man I'm with must possess integrity and high personal values. This doesn't mean judgementalism or some form of patriarchal behavior.

Strength- He should be able to make the tough choices that come along in life, when his partner can't. And to be able to say no, in a non demeaning way, when a significant other is about to make a dangerously foolish mistake.

Tenderness-I want someone who will hold my best interests first in his mind, as I would his. To treat my body as precious and treat it with love and care.

Humor-The greatest gift a couple can share is the abiity to laugh at themselves and lifes absurdities.

Noticeably missing from this list are looks, social standing or income. Any man possessing even half of the characteristics listed above is priceless in my mind, and I dont give a damn about his social standing. For by possessing these things, he stands heads above most men on his worst day.

If only more people would really think about how very important these things are to a real relationship, especially marriage, there just might be less divorce in this country. And maybe so many children created in these truly loveless situations wouldn't be so damaged by their parents selfish needs to marry reflections of themselves.