Those planes did so much more damage than hitting buildings and killing thousands of innocent lives. In military parlance, the collateral damage has been enormous.

Since early childhood I've always loved my country. It was as normal to me, and as little thought about, as breathing is. As I approached adulthood though, often in the still dark hours of the night, I would ask myself: just how much do I really love America, and what would I do if that love were ever truly tried?

Until September 11th. On that day, as I watched human beings, oddly graceful, silently falling to their deaths, I never really understood what that love meant. Now I do. Over the course of the last year, I've wept time and time again for the loss of something. Something deep inside myself I still couldn't quantify. I only know the loss is deep and irreparable. It goes beyond losing loved ones, the enormous death tolls and the sheer evil that was behind this day.

Last night I went out into my garden and wept for hours. I know now what the loss is: trust. As an American, I've always trusted in our safety, in the people who are guarding us, and in humanity itself. That is now gone from me. Those planes did so much more damage than hitting buildings and killing thousands of innocent lives. In military parlance, the collateral damage has been enormous. Look at the impact this has had on all of us: families ruptured forever, economic turmoil, failure of our intelligence to adequately protect this nation, and worst of all, damaged children.

This for me is the biggest casualty of all, our children. They live in a frightening post September 11th world of insecurity and terror. It's not enough they have to deal with the continued parade of lost children to the monsters who prey on the helpless and weak, but also the knowledge this could happen again. Some will say" that's tough, that's reality, deal with it". My response is how? How do you deal with it? Yes, we join together, light candles, write messages of love and hope on quilts and walls, to express our sense of community, across the globe. And yes, we tell them we'll do our very best to protect them. It's not enough and never will be. For many adults and most children the trust will never be regained.


I hate now, with a sense of utter loathing at myself. I hate the monsters who did this with every fiber of my being. Me, an individual that never wished harm on anyone. This too is a loss of epic proportions. Seeing pictures or hearing tapes of Bin Laden and his fellow maggots, fills me with rage. Finally I know just how much I love my country. Enough to die defending it against the loathsome animals prowling this earth, in the belief they will attain some mythical paradise.

I can finally, truthfully say I'm proud to be an American, and back up those words with action, if my country needs them. For this is a great land, filled with people from all over the globe, who live by the words "With Liberty and Justice For All" We will not lie down and have this taken from us. They have wounded us terribly, but they will never kill the soul of the true America.