The Measure of a Father (article) by Vaughn T Aiken on AuthorsDen

The Measure of a Father
By Vaughn Troy Aiken

I am truly blessed to have the best title in the world of Father! I am no longer living for myself, being selfish to the needs of the rest of the world, I now live for my wonderful daughter. There may be an argument by one woman, whether or not I was the best husband, or the best friend, or the best lover, but no one can deny the fact that I am the best father to the most wonderful little girl in the world. The most important person, despite the turmoil that eventually ensued in my household, was always my daughter. I have always strived to do the very best for my daughter, regardless as to what I have had to sacrifice, so that she would have what she needed.

I must acknowledge all of the good fathers out there, I know sometimes we get a raw deal and not all of us are in our children's lives on a daily basis, for one reason or another. I unfortunately don't have the luxury of being in the same state as my daughter, so I don't get to see her as often as I would like; it’s a little too far to drive from Virginia to Houston. I do make sure that she is getting the best care, she is healthy, and that she is receiving a good education.

Although I ensure that my daughter is emotionally and financially cared for, not all men do this. Some men are blessed enough to be in the same state, even living within minutes of their children, and still have minimal regard for their children and their daily emotional and financial needs. Simple things like paying their children's medical bills or day care or extra-curricular activities are a problem; things that are necessary and shouldn’t fall completely on the mother. However, some of these fathers figure that since they, “don’t have it”, that is carte blanche to avoid their required financial contribution to their children’s well-being. We have to learn to separate the bitter taste of divorce or separation from the situation because the B.S. that ensued between us as adults is not the fault of our children and we can’t take our pain or disgust out on them. I am not the best of friends with my Ex, but when it comes to daughter we come together and are cordial to one another, for the benefit of our daughter.

I certainly could have been an "Ass" to my ex-wife and could have caught the " I ain't got it, you figure it out " bug. This syndrome, in my opinion comes about when you want to get back at your EX, failing to realize the only ones who suffer are the children. I was taught to sacrifice so my child can be better than her parents. After divorce we do not have the allegiance to be faithful to one another, but we still have to be faithful to ourselves and to our children.
We have to hustle for our kids and do what’s best for them, as their fathers. So if that means that we have to get a second job, to make sure our children’s basic needs are met, then so be it. No, we will certainly not give them everything they want, however, it is our duty to ensure that they have everything that they need. Our children are our future! In order to change the bleak future, we have to change ourselves and our way of thinking in regards to our children and make them top priority in our lives. Investing in our children is an investment that pays long term. No one should be forced to take care of their children, it should come from the heart, as it is called parenting.
We should always put God first, and our children second. We must take the focus off of our children’s mother and not focus on WHY we are not together, but nurture our children and maintain a cordial relationship with the women who helped us to create our greatest accomplishments.

The measure of a Father and how great he is comes from the success of his children. The love and care we invest in our children shows the greatness that we have in us. Our children will show the world how we are by their actions. To all of the Father’s out there that are doing right by their children, I salute you! To all of you Father’s who are not living up to your responsibilities, I implore you to step up; the time is now!