Finding our uniqueness and uplifting our self esteem.

Finding Your Uniqueness

Everyone carries with them memories. They are not only memories of our experiences but also the influences of other people as well. Sometimes we experience situations that are denied because it doesn’t fit into our cultural beliefs already inherent. This is taught to us from the moment that we take our first breath.

I have a vivid memory of something that happened to me when I was around three years old. I’m not certain of my age, only that I slept in a crib in my parent’s bedroom. When I’d close my eyes to sleep, I could make myself go into a totally different state of consciousness. I would feel as though my body, my whole being was expanding and stretching into this gigantic person. This was always quite easily attained and I did it quite frequently as I grew in years because I enjoyed how it felt. Once when I did this, I found myself in this boxed room but the ceiling was missing. I searched the room and peered up only to find a giant man’s face peering down at me. The shock of this giant watching me woke me immediately and I wailed from the fright. My mother lifted me from the crib to the safety of her body and asked me what was wrong. I didn’t know how to express what had just happened, as my language skills weren’t yet developed. I only understood I was secure now and as she laid me down on the bed between her and my father, I was comforted and fell asleep.

Almost nightly for a few more years I would close my eyes and automatically knew how to attain this altered state. It was always such a simple procedure but in time I got lazy and eventually lost the knack of how to do it anymore. Nobody else ever spoke about such experiences and I certainly wasn’t about to be the first one to mention mine.

As a child I was always very much in tune with the ideas and questions buzzing around in my head and was curious as to who was giving me these thoughts. At a young age before others convinced me otherwise, I was aware of inner whisperings urging me onwards. I had much to learn in this New World I found myself in, and was eager to get it all in as quickly as possible.

Before learning to walk, a vision of my mother carrying me up a pathway towards a blonde haired woman remains imprinted upon my mind, as clearly as what I did yesterday. My brother, Will, and my sister, Katherine, ran ahead of us excited to be at this woman’s house. I remember watching them run, focusing upon how they put one leg ahead of the other and gradually speeded up the process. They made it appear so easy and I longed to run as they did. I watched in wonderment and squirmed in my mother’s arms so I might attempt it as well. This is as far as the memory goes and when I related this to my mother she was amazed I could remember something from such a young age. She said I was only about a year and a half at that time and also told me who the woman was when I described her, the house, and the yard. Of course since then I’ve forgotten this information.

Another memory that stands out is a time when the family was sitting down for supper. We were at my grandfather’s home and I was seated in a high chair at the corner of the table. Rather than being interested in my food, I was fascinated by how quickly all those at the table could maneuver their forks and food to their mouths. My grandfather was done and went over to a daybed, which was in the kitchen as well. He lay down and crossed his feet and I was enamoured by the red and gray woolen socks he wore. They were so vibrant and pretty. All this imagery sidetracked me with my food and now I only wanted out of my high chair so that I could get a closer look at those socks. Well I hardly touched my food and my mother decided to spoon feed me before she’d let me down. I understood there was no point in pursuing this, so ate as quickly as she shoveled it into me. By this time my grandfather had fallen asleep and now his snoring changed any ideas I had about checking out his socks.

As a child, there were two favorite hobbies I indulged in. One was a determination to remember everyday, and everything I did or saw that day. I don’t really know why this fascinated me, other than this deep-seated feeling I should remember it. If anyone were to ask me what I was doing on such and such a day, I wanted to instantly be able to recall it. There was something about the joy and beauty I saw in each day and how it made me feel so wonderful to be able to experience and witness it. There were many days in all kinds of weather when I cared for my youngest brother, Norm. I wasn’t very old but from the time he was brought home from the hospital I felt a love and kinship for him. I wanted to remember all the times we shared, whether it was pulling him around on a sleigh or singing the national anthem repeatedly until he fell asleep. Not only did I want to remember, but also I tried to make our experiences together special in the hopes he would remember them as well. I would sing the national anthem with such passion and joy, and I thought I could sing beautifully. It wasn’t until later in life that others told me I couldn’t carry a tune. I was very upset about this newfound knowledge, feeling silly and embarrassed for thinking singing was natural and something everyone could claim. It wasn’t until many years later that I had the courage to reclaim the joy singing brought me. Music soothed my senses and still does.

The other hobby I found myself engrossed in was my dreams. Every night before going to sleep I would tell myself to remember exactly when I entered into a dream. I always woke up remembering them, but could never retrace the dream back to its beginning. It fascinated me. How did I go from awake, to suddenly being in the middle of a dream? How did I get from there to here? Did others wonder about this too? I was afraid to question this aloud for fear I was different. I was gradually being molded into what others expected of me, and too young to express my own uniqueness. I knew we were all unique but felt this was frowned upon. One has to be the same as others, or you are shunned and nobody will love you. Sameness was the order of the day.

So often we look at children without eyes to see how truly remarkable and creative they are. I’m speaking of all children, not just those you parent. We are so busy molding them into what our cultures say is acceptable and normal that we deny them their own uniqueness. Instead we trivialize what they tell us and reinstate to them that if they want to survive in this world, they’d better start seeing life like the rest of us. And as the years pass by, the child gradually changes into the expectations of others, denying their own true nature.

Then as we bring pain, suffering and tears into our experience, a new belief comes into play. We are taught we are sinners, always have been and always will be. Given in the disguise of love, we are now living in the land of fear. To bring joy back into your life and wipe out the pain of any experience we are taught to pray to Jesus and/or God for redemption. You will still be a sinner, but if you’re good enough at least you’ll get to Heaven and not Hell. And so we begin fervently praying and making pacts and bargains with God, hoping He’ll have pity on us and take away our pain. If the pain doesn’t subside, we’re told God is still punishing us, for although we pray, we must also be having evil thoughts or things would be more joyful in our life. After all, doesn’t God reward those with pure thoughts?

So that brings a whole new dilemma. What are pure thoughts? If I think I’d like to win a card game, is this thinking unkindly of another, so, in essence an impure thought? Or is it a pure thought to want to do the best? We are taught the impurity is in thinking you are better than another is, yet all our life we are taught to be competitive. And if you do win, you’d better not let it go to your head. You can feel the joy, but others will tell you how long and how much joy is expected. We grow through our life always with an inner battle. To be and do what your heart desires, or to be and do what others expect of you. Of course, not everyone gets stuck in such a dilemma. Many of us bounce back and forth learning from our experience that life is more joyful when we allow our inner voice to guide us. It is during these times that we realize we are happiest.

Some people see the younger generation and think how strange they appear to be. They pierce their tongues, noses, eyebrows, nipples, and other body parts; topped off with multicolored hair and Gothic black painted faces. And the thoughts that the world is getting weirder and crazier all the time is sent out constantly. That is one common perspective. These young individuals are teaching us things we have forgotten. They are physically showing us that there is far more to each of us than meets the physical eyes, and it’s time we stopped and heeded. We know and remember all too well our own sufferings and battles with the inner world versus the outer world and we become so caught up in what others think of us, we get into this comfort zone and forget to think for ourselves. Instead we continue this visual image of how ‘sinful’ we all are, and accept it as a truth.

We forget the love and good intent that naturally resides within us all when we enter upon this Earth. We allow others to dictate to us how to feel, how to think, how to speak, how to listen, and above all, how to be. These young individuals of the planet today are reminding us of the unique child that resides within all of us and the beauty and hope that could envelope this world we create, if we’d only allow our true uniqueness and love to be expressed.

They are reminding us we once held thoughts and ideas wishing to be released but were suppressed by perspectives that should have long ago been left by the wayside. They are reminding us there is still time for us to reclaim our child and lead her/him exactly where we intend to be. By our own inner voice and wisdom, knowing you are constantly being guided along with the natural feeling of love.

So the next time you see somebody, who appears differently, see him or her with new eyes. Allow yourself to acknowledge the courage and uniqueness of that individual and know it is also an offering and gift to you, to walk through your journey allowing all your inner children the same respect and love. They will delight in the freedom of finally being given the opportunity to express with you, exactly as it should be. Every day we’re given a new opportunity to create new memories with new perspectives. In this new moment, think again, when you see the uniqueness of your Self or others and you’ll realize we truly are gifts in this present time.

Dallas Hodder Franklin