Notes From Hollywood - Special Guest Stars
Q & A With Writer, Poet & Artist Bazhe
Author of 'Damages'
Where did you grow up? Was reading and writing a part of your
life and why?
I grew up in Former Yugoslavia, the Republic of Macedonia. My parents
encouraged me to read literature from all over the world from a very
early age. However, when my first work was published they were
outraged. They enrolled me in law school because they were frightened
of the fact that I might become a writer. They didn’t understand my
need to write and paint.
Who were your earliest influences?
My earliest influences were Hesse and Selimovic. I enjoyed their
philosophical writings. Then I began to read Dostoyevsky. His search of
the truth fascinated me. Next was Proust with his psychological analysis
that made me more observant.
Why do you write?
I think a person who writes carries conflict and pain. To overcome that
conflict and pain, a person writes. Writing is a great way to challenge
the denials and the truths in yourself and others around you.
Damages is a very dynamic and unusual memoir of a young
man. You write about your young adult life that seems like
fiction. Tell us more about it?
I never know just how I will write. I simply let the words flow. Damages
is a book where “the truth is stranger than fiction,” as the old saying
goes. It is based entirely on real events. Of course, to protect the
privacy of the participants, many of the names of the characters and
specific details about certain events have been changed. Damages is a
personal history replete with betrayal from family, friends, relatives,
government officials, informants, army recruits, teenage ruffians, hired
help, transvestites, nationalists, and Muslim fundamentalists. It is a
story about my unconditional love towards my adoptive mother who
suffers from cancer and my search for the biological one that I never
knew. It is a tale of my inner and outer wars and the journey of selfdiscovery.
The story begins with the death of my abusive father, a Communist
official. My mother was diagnosed with cancer, and I immediately
returned to Macedonia to take care of her.
Meanwhile, my more than thirty-year search for my biological mother
ended, and I told her my life story, starting with my lonely childhood
and adolescence. After finding my “new mother” to be very
understanding, I revealed my first gay experience in the army, my
desire for self-realization that caused scandals in the College of National
Security, my escape to Turkey where I transformed into a stunning
transvestite after meeting a handsome wealthy man, and my return to
Yugoslavia where I wandered in the underground world of a country
that was falling apart. As Yugoslav nationalism and Islamic
fundamentalism rose, I experienced them directly, almost losing my
life, but I eventually succeeded in immigrating to America.
You write about the psychological wounds of your childhood,
how you worked to overcome them?
My fight to overcome the psychological wounds created by my peculiar
upbringing began, when for the first time, I realized that I was
manipulated by the adult world. I was very little then. I faced the
conflicts boldly and I began to analyze myself and the people around
me in order to find my true identity and freedom. It was tough. It was a
struggle. But I survived.
Was Damages a difficult or easy book to write? Please explain.
Damages was a very difficult book to write since once more I have to
challenge my denials and truths as accurately as possible.
Did the finding of your biological mother help you appreciate
your adoptive mother more?
Absolutely. I can’t help thinking of Mother, her permission for me to
reunite with the biological one, her compromise with her rival, and all
for my sake. Mother would
have been devastated if she had heard the biological mother’s last
conversation with me. People are absolutely correct when they say you
have only one Mother—not the one who bore you, but the one who
raised you. I ultimately discovered that it is my adoptive
mother’s devotion that is irreplaceable.
What has been your feedback from readers?
Excellent. So far I have not received negative feedback, and the
readers are demographically very diverse. I am very happy about it.
Who are your favorite writers and why?
Mostly I love the classic writers. I love Faulkner, Capote, Márquez,
Nabokov, Bukowski, Pasolini, Balzac, Salinger, Baldwin, Williams,
Conrad, Selby, and Vidal, because of their exquisite style of writing.
Their writings are real art. From the poets I adore the love poetry of
Rimbaud and Plath, and the bold poetry of Neruda and Lorca. I consider
Kushner, Waller, and Ondaatje en exceptional modern writers. I found
them fresh and innovative.
What's next?
A fiction book. I would love to write a purely American work of fiction
since I am an American now. I just published my poetry book called
Identities. Identities is about analyzing human manipulations through
poetry. The poems deal with greed and ignorance, destruction and war,
politics and phoniness, love and hatred, sex and ecstasy, loneliness and
loss, and visionary musings of hope.
Next, I am preparing an art book that will include my 50 paintings and
philosophical phrases. Then I will have another art show in New York
City.
What was the last book you read?
“Candid” by Voltaire. I reread it for fourth time. He is one of the
greatest thinkers of Europe.
Tell us about your artwork.
In general human manipulations are the subjects portrayed in my art
work.
Do you have any hobbies? How do they enhance your writing
and art?
My art, poetry, and garden are my therapies. They purify my body and
mind and at the same time recharge them with fresh energy for writing.
My message has been always simple: “Aiming for Peace and Love.”
© Nicholas Snow Productions 2005, All Rights Reserved
