I have noticed that a furry or feathered or even a scaled friend is something senior citizens often consider after a lifelong business doing work-type things. You’ve probably noticed that when you pet a soft, warm cat or play chase the stick with a dog whose tail won’t stop wagging, you relax and your heart feels a little warmer. Studies by scientists have shown that owning and handling animals significantly benefits health, and not just for the young. In fact, pets may help senior citizen owners live longer, healthier, and more enjoyable lives. Now that’s something to think about.

A friend of about my age recently advised me that I needed another heartbeat. I immediately threw my hand to my chest cropping for that familiar pounding … and again another after that. “But the doctor says I’m in great shape”, I noted with irritation. “Not a transplant, idiot,” he put in plain words, “a second heartbeat, a companion.” Because I am a single senior citizen and tired of eating TV dinners and take-out food my mind immediately flashed brilliant colors of Las Vegas ladies and gala parties, but I knew with all that going on I may need a third or fourth heartbeat to keep up the pace. “A pet, dodo,” he clarified, “a second heartbeat, a cuddle buddy, someone to talk to rather than your impassive walls … a pet.”

My friend probably had a point. I had to give it some sober thought … and thorough research … so I started analyzing my way through the animal kingdom … starting with the most common heartbeats … dogs and cats, avoiding elephants and orangutans.

Dogs seem to be slow on the uptake, but loveable and active, and they come in a variety of sizes and colors, almost like humans. I figured size related directly to food consumption and dumption (if there is such a word to acceptably describe the process of following an animal down the path with a plastic bag in hand), and a color related to shedding hair on my carpet and sofa.

Cats are too mysterious and I am positive any one of them will stare at me with the intention of trying to possess my human soul. That scares me. I have enough trouble keeping my soul pointed in the right direction without it being attached to a cat. But cats do have a lot of fun and are fun to watch, from a distance. They run around the neighborhood, unleashed, and chase birds and an array of imaginary wildlife they eyeball from an ancestral crouch.

But cats and dogs are old hat and everyone has one, I figured, so a visit to a local pet store might reveal a menagerie of other second heartbeats.

Birds are multicolored, small and easy to maintain and can chirp or chatter or sing. Canaries are small and sociable, as long as you don’t touch them (sounds like some people I know), and can live up to 25 years. ‘Wait a minute,’ I worried, ‘I may have to include the canary in my will.’ Macaws are beautiful, but large and they can live to the age of 50 … another inheritor to my vast estate of packrat artifacts. And a plain old parrot, if taught to sing O Solo Mio like Enrico Caruso, could be a real pain in the brain in no time. Besides, where do you put a birdcage in a SUV while traveling across country?

Do snakes have heartbeat … a heart? Does a fish have a personality? One is dangerous to have around, and the other needs a constant supply of water. And if I have a snake and a fish, the snake might eat the fish. Who knows?

When is the last time you had the opportunity to cuddle and pet a rat, or even escort one down the street on a leash? I was told a fancy rat, I supposed as opposed to a Cinderella-before-the-Ball rat, is an ideal pet for the ages 8 and up with adult supervision. There I might need some help. Being over 8 years old, like most of us senior citizens and not wanting a babysitter, I didn’t know who I could ask to supervise me in my pet play time. Rats grow up to 10-inches long with up to an 8-inch tail. My O’ My! That’s a foot-and-a half of rodent fun and maybe I could escort mine on a leash down the street … if I want to lose all my neighbors as friends and be attacked by cats … and “you should have two rats”, I was told, “they are smart and can learn tricks … but they have large front teeth and need something to chew on.” Between the tangled leashes and my gnawed finger stumps, I passed on the rat(s) as a pet pal(s).

Then there is the reptile family of pets besides snakes. There is a variety of reptiles beyond the slithery snake group. How about a Crocodile Greco, a Panther Chameleon, a Blue-tongued Skink, or an Argentine Horned Pac Man Frog? All are genuine animals and not Sci-Fi creatures. And you know what? These pets eat live insects and worms that also must be fed nutrients before they are fed to the second heartbeat. I passed again on collecting bugs for my pet.

While considering a pet I also reflected on some of the secondary responsibilities. Cleaning up after it will be an olfactory challenge no matter what the source: Cats are not clean animals – have you cleaned out a cat box lately? Little doggie-poop baggies are just disgusting. Stained and dirty newspaper bottoms and littered water that must be changed, and sweeping the floor of a reptile cage littered with insect carcasses could be downright memorable.

There are a few other outlandish things to consider, such as, a decent burial in a Pet Cemetery; before that Veterinarian expenses; related to that I recently read that I may have to send my pet to be consulted by a member of the IAABC (International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants). I saw a sign in a pet shop I was browsing that advertised ‘Have your pet’s photo taken with Santa’. Come On! But the one I read written on a bathroom wall made me feel a little queasy, ‘Keep our city clean. Eat your dog!”

There you have it senior citizens, and as a man of strict indecision and sticking to it, I decided my friend was right and common and decided on two second heartbeats to keep me in high spirits: a spaniel puppy and a wirehair kitten.