Stop Searching and Start Attracting

Chances are you are like a lot of people who believe that you need to work really hard at finding your soul mate. You scan the room when you are out in a club, party, restaurant, the gym, or wherever there might be some eligible men. You ask friends if they know of anyone. You put your photo up on various web sites. You go to mixers and singles parties. Seriously searching for a partner is like having a second job!

If you choose to go to one of the online dating sites, for example, you can spend a lot of time reading the profiles sent to you and weeding out those that might actually have some interest to you. Then you have to write each person back and forth. That’s most likely followed by a lot of time talking on the phone. Finally, you get excited about someone and decide to meet—only to find out that his online photo is a million years old (or isn’t even his)! Or he forgot to mention that he is not actually divorced yet. Or  neglected to tell you about the three kids he has under the age of five. It’s not only time-consuming, but it’s exhausting!

Why “Looking” May Be the Equivalent of Losing

Here is an example of how “looking” can get you into trouble. You have probably heard that going to a bar or a nightclub isn’t the best place to meet someone. But a bar or a nightclub could be the wrong place, or the right place, depending on who shows up on any given night. The point I am trying to make is that there is no “right place” or “wrong place.” Your success has nothing to do with the place, but rather with the fact that you are “looking.” Whenever you go out “looking,” whether it’s in a bar or a grocery store or a singles mixer, chances are you will become disappointed and discouraged. This “desperately trying to make it happen” thinking, or the “this will be the night that I meet him” approach, actually has the opposite effect.

I have a single girlfriend named Gina. Whenever we go out for a drink, instead of having a relaxing time and enjoying my devastatingly fascinating conversation, her head is twisting around like Linda Blair in The Exorcist all night long, trying to see who’s there or if anyone new has come in the door. She actually misses the entire evening because she is so engrossed in looking around to see if her “soul mate” has shown up yet. This is simply no way to live your life, display confidence to the opposite sex, or enjoy the company you are with.

Please remember that others can see right through it if you are acting desperate to meet someone. Be a classy person! Prove to the people you meet that you are someone capable of enjoying your friends and whatever is happening in this instant. Let people see that you are just out living your life with no ulterior motive. Then you may be pleasantly surprised at what happens. Plus, you will be much more likely to meet and attract high-quality people who know how to treat others with kindness and respect because you do.

And the same idea applies if you are using a matchmaking service or doing online dating to meet someone special. You don’t need to treat each date with an expectation or desperate wish that this person is “the one.” If you go only expecting to meet a new person and enjoy his company, you take the pressure off and avoid disappointment if there is no love connection. Who knows, you could end up making a new friend or business contact, or maybe this guy will turn out to be a good match for one of your girlfriends. Stay cool, be sweet and have FUN!!