Not every day is a bad day

“Hi, how’re doing?”
“Fine.”
“What’s new?”
“Nothing. Just another day.”

Did you ever be in one of those conversations? You know, the one where people are trying to be nice and you are trying like hell to not tell them life sucks? Even though life actually isn’t that bad, it’s just that you can’t enjoy it. Money’s tight but not a problem yet. You love your family but can’t wait to see the back of them. Friends applaud you for something you did but inside you cringe because you just know you could have done better! Nothing is really wrong but everything is…well, wrong. Not good enough. You don’t deserve what you have. People who love you don’t know the ‘real’ you, and if they did they’d run screaming from the plague. Yep, you got depression.

It shows differently. Artists have ‘spaces.’ Writers have ‘blocks.’ Golfers have ‘yips.’ Etc. It manifests itself in a myriad of ways and each to his own. And every depressive will find a way to internalize and even enjoy their self imposed isolation. Like probing a loose tooth they’ll tongue it every now and then just to prove it’s still there and it still hurts. Losing in the lottery is to be expected; winning the lottery is unearned.

I found a momentary relief. Write a resume. Then write a cover letter. It doesn’t matter whether it’s for a real company or an imaginary job. Writing the resume helps you focus on what you actually did. Writing the cover letter helps you to coalesce everything you did in a form that says “here are my positives.”

Then read it. Post it somewhere to remind yourself. Then read it again. If you’re like me you’ll look at it and say “Holy Hell! I did all that shit? Maybe I’m not as bad as I believe I am.”

It’s not a panacea but it makes tomorrow possible.