"Romantic love is not a myth, waiting to be discarded, but, for most of us, a discovery, waiting to be born." - NATHANIEL BRANDEN, PH.D - Psychologist, psychotherapist, author

Still looking for that elusive mind/body/soul connection? It may reside in Cyberspace....

Helga's Heartlines: A Journal
Saturday October 28, 2000
Newmarket, Ontario

It happened to me, again! I thought I was in love. Only, this time, I had to seriously question my sanity. A mature, reasonably intelligent, independent woman - light years from my teens - I know better. Here I was fascinated with a Cyberspace stranger, someone I had never seen! Trust me to get entangled in the absurdity of such a relationship fantasy - a one-sided one at that. Although otherwise grounded, it is my fatal flaw to be a born romantic.

I can't offer any justifiable excuse for this condition - I'm amazed at my own foolishness. The pitfalls of interpersonal Internet connection are perfectly well known to me. I stumbled into the situation, inadvertently, in the normal course of pursuing and expanding my private business-related interests. I was not looking for love, or 'a life', on the World Wide Web. The rational part of me knows that I simply must be in love with love.

This preposterous development - nay, indisputable symptom of mid-life malaise - was surely the latest indication that my urge to merge, to make a mind/soul connection, is every bit as critical as a 'normal' physical one. The erogenous zone in me in need of stimulation, at the present time, is psychic, first. In my wildest dreams, a 'real' relationship derives, and is made manifest, from an ideal spiritual tie.

These romantic notions of mine have complicated my life enormously. To start with, I blame Cinderella. She's the initial impetus for them. Sleeping beauty, too. Mothers - please - pay attention - keep these fantastic fables a secret from your beloved, darling daughters. Hide them away from the precocious, precious, little dears. Let them read Pilgrim's Progress and Peter Pan instead. Save their unsuspecting, susceptible, souls. Give them something to shoot for that's attainable and satisfying.

My enthrallment with the subject of love started early. I had my first crush when I was seven. Happily, it was a positive experience for me, rather than a broken heart. That 'boy friend' of youthful fancy 'kinda liked me' too. We sat side by side on the bleachers at the ballpark and didn't know what to say to each other. I think we may have held hands, but all I recall now is a bad case of "butterflies" a-fluttering the whole time.

My first kiss. It was a scientific experiment, conducted when I was probably around puberty. My girlfriends and I dared each other, to satisfy our curiosity and compare notes afterwards. It wasn't terribly difficult to find a couple of older boys to obligingly participate in our joint research project. Well...let me tell you, it was the first time I was zapped by electricity - apart from a hot stove! What an amazing, agreeable shock. I'm pretty sure the real cute guy was the one responsible, but not as sure whether my pals reported the exact same phenomenon. This was when I learned that romantic love, even infatuation, can be terribly exciting - and dangerous.

I've had a few close calls of the electric variety since then. A victim of the chemistry - magnetism - of love. The kind of association that is intensely mutual and beyond verbal. Soul mate stuff. Irresistible. Unforgettable. Like when you look in someone's eyes and see the universe mirrored there...when someone's voice or touch is the most marvelous phenomenon in the entire world. The best part - They react the same way to you. The kind of relationship that is hard to find, so elusive, yet spoils one for life as far as being truly satisfied with less.

My romantic relationships mostly have been stimulating, to varying degrees, but with little 'real' electricity - chemistry - to speak of. That's where biology and raging hormones come in, to overrule both commonsense and idealism. You can do some pretty foolish things because of biology. Like get married, when you shouldn't, marry the wrong person, have an affair, become a bigamist, join a commune - I think you get the idea.

So, there's chemistry, biology, and now the psychic connection - Romantic love is complicated, if not downright impossible, isn't it? And I want them all rolled together! Does this man, Nathaniel Branden know what he's talking about? Is such a relationship realistic, achievable, or lasting? He claims to speak from personal experience, as well as his credentials. I know others, personally, who have claimed the same. Why are they so lucky?