One morning as I was getting dressed, I was watching the news and the lead stories included:
---Man runs over man in a parking lot over car space--ran over him 18 times.
---Man killed when police intervened in a domestic violence call.
---Ten year old kills playmate on playground.
Even though these headlines sound horrendous, it demonstrates how being out of control and mismanaged anger can be very disruptive and dangerous in our lives and the lives of others. It is detrimental to our well being. Therefore, we must handle it properly.
Anger is very common during stressful situations. It is an emotional cue that reminds us of what we like or dislike. Not dealing with anger does not work. It may lead to:
Þ Accidents
Þ Poor relationships
Þ Physical difficulty
Þ Emotional difficulty
Þ Legal problems
Anger covers many emotions, it empowers and energizes, so handle it properly. When anger is managed properly, it can help you achieve goals, solve problems, manage emergency situations (anger can give you energy and strength) and communicate better.
Anger can hurt you and others, if you use it to: Be violent, break things, avoid problems, and make others feel bad or put yourself or others down.
Anger can help you, if you use it to: Get things done, handle emergencies, solve problems, make others aware of your needs or work out the differences you have with other people.
You can handle your anger or it will handle you. There are three basic ways most of us deal with anger. We may use either style depending on what triggers our anger, but most of us tend to use one style or another.
1. You lock it up! Users of this style withdraw and become emotionally unreachable. They use the silent treatment or become anxious. They deny anger but show it in other ways.
Reasons: People who choose to bottle up their anger have a hard time coping with strong feelings. They fear they may lose control of themselves or that they will hurt or offend someone.
2. You turn it loose! Explode! Blow up at people! You are a hot head! You shout, destroy things or blame other people. You harbor deep anger and ill will; you bring up grievances and old grievances.
Reasons: I can't stand to be wrong. I need to assert my power over other people. I'm afraid of getting close to someone. I don't know how to stay calm and communicate in a calm manner when I am angry.
3. You manage it! You use tools that help you stay calm and communicate effectively.
Control damaging behaviors. Focus on the behavior, not the person. If you feel like you are about to loose control or explode, take time to calm yourself down. Pay attention to your body. Learn your body's anger signs: pacing the floor, tightening your fist, yelling or raising your voice, sweating, surging adrenalin. You may think, "I don't have to take this, that's it, I've had all I can take." If you think, "I'm going to lose it," let the other person know how upset you are. Tell the person that you need to get away to calm down, and promise the person you will come back when you can talk without losing your temper. Keep your promise and return to talk.
Calm down. Positive self-talk and deep breathing are two relaxation techniques that are useful for calming down. Breathe slowly and deeply. Use positive self-talk such as, "I can handle this." "Slow down." "Just relax."
Other things to consider the next time you are angry: Talk to a friend. Put yourself in the other persons place. Find a physical outlet for your anger such as, exercise, yard work or housework. Laugh and use humor. Set a time limit on your anger, then let go and move on. Practice forgiveness.
Seek professional help if anger continues to be a big problem in your life.
Copyright 2003 Rashun Jones
Rashun Jones is a nurse, author and speaker, who has twenty three years experience as a registered nurse. Rashun has an arsenal of tools for dealing with difficult people and communicating more effectively using verbal, nonverbal and good listening skills. She is the author of Healthy Attitudes Smart Choices, Power of Life: Use It or Lose It You Decide, Blueprints A Way of Life & Eboni Chronicles. Rashun is the founder of the Nushape News, a ezine committed to helping you create a healthier and happier life.
She can be contacted at: Phone: 800 550-9718 ext: 5445 E-Mail: rashun.nushapepublication.com
Visit our Website: http://www.nushapepublication.com
