A sarcastic list of unusual diversions in the mountains.

Little Known Diversion and Adventures


1. Hike the Blue Ridge Parkway trails near Grandfather Mountain Biosphere and have the added attraction of the threat of being fined by a Ranger for not purchasing a hiking permit in advance.

2. Ride a bike down Elk Creek Road, dodge gravel laden dump trucks, maneuver three switchback curves, avoid uphill side drainage ditch eating into the tarmac and the downhill side drop off.

3. Try to penetrate through abandoned Christmas Tree farms with branches so intwined sunlight stays away.

4. Learn to harvest and cook kudzu. Take a lesson in basket weaving to use this delicacy. Send rootings to friends.

5. Stroll bare legged through stinging neddles. Discover how this mint look alike got its name.

6. Sit on the monkey wall on King Street in downtown Boone, NC, and watch earth biscuits, geeks, chicks and locals walk by. Listen to music by not-quite guitarists performed live for dollar donations.

7. Count the tire boots put on vehicles in downtown Boone due to lack of parking space and town planners refusal to build parking garages.

8. Play golf and dodge Canada goose poop near water holes.

9. Leave trash outside rural rental house and photograph the racoons and bears as they tear it up and try to get in the house.

10. Read the thrice weekly local paper and track the methamphetamine lab comings and goings.

11. Breakfast at Boone Drug downtown and learn the intricacies of local politics, solutions to world problems and immigration.

12. Watch the Brown Mountain lights at night and add your theory to the list. Ghost, UFO, gas...

13. Contact a contractor, extract a promise to begin work on a specified day, and sip coffee as no one shows and no phone call. Repeat a dozen times.

14. Trespass on wooded land and dig up a ginsing root for bragging rights. Dress in bright colors so the land owner doesn’t miss when he squeezes off a shot.

15. Order iced tea and it is automatically sweet. Order hush puppies for a treat.

16. Plant flowers and vegetables near the house and watch the deer devour them at dawn and dusk.

17. Drive behind a truck going 20 miles per hour below the speed limit on a two lane road and give your blood pressure a good work out trying to pass while junk falls out of the truck bed.