Manners have been much on my mind of late, and it appears that I'm not alone. In fact, a study of 1,607 parents of kids ages 5-17 by Public Agenda found that 84% of them said courtesy is essential, but only 62% said they'd succeeded in teaching it.

Steve and Ruth Bennett surveyed youngsters, ages four, five, and six, for their Kids' Answers to Life's Big Questions. Here's what they answered when asked, "What are manners?""A different way to say rules." "You don't say 'nah-nah-nah' when you chase someone at tag." "They're so mom can be alone in the bathroom."And so we begin.

“Raise children you like because, if you don’t like them, nobody else will, and you’re going to spend the rest of your life with them,” warns journalist Cokie Roberts. And, since it all begins at home with the teaching of manners and a grateful attitude, how are you doing? Do your kids remember to say, “Excuse me” when it’s called for? How about “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome”? If you’re not hearing those words at home, then it’s no wonder the rest of us aren’t hearing them either! Indeed, a 2002 Public Agenda survey found that 48% of adults only sometimes encountered people who ever said “please” and “thank you;” 16% said they practically never saw that kind of polite behavior.

So, what’s your excuse if your kids are lacking in manners? Are you shrugging your shoulders right about now, dancing around the issue and blaming society or your too-busy schedule? It’s never our fault, is it. No matter what the problem or issue, a popular defense is to take the offense and point the finger elsewhere—modeling behaviors that simply compound the problem. As Nancy Tuckerman says, “Blaming our fast-paced modern life for our ill-mannered children is a cop-out. If parents come home frantic from work and fail to sit down at the table and talk to their children, then people are just making excuses.” The editors of Middle Years agree and say, “There is no reason to accept rudeness and disrespect. When your children behave in an unacceptable way, remind them that it’s NOT okay, period.”

We serve as models for how we want our children to be in the world. By establishing an early, easy rapport with them, making family time a priority, and gathering together at mealtimes and in-between times—these things set the stage for parenting success and character-building in our young. Part of that equation also includes instilling good manners and acceptable standards of behavior, so remind your child to:

1. Accept others' opinions graciously, agreeing to disagree.

2. Never make disparaging comments regarding race, religion, or lifestyle.

3. Listen attentively to others and maintain eye contact.

4. Refrain from interrupting when someone is speaking.

5. Think before you speak.

6. Promptly return what you borrow and in the same condition as when it was lent.

7. Don't be pushy!

8. Pick up after yourself.

9. Always leave a place better than when you happened upon it.

10. Behave so that people are glad when you arrive, not when you leave--home, too.

11. Always lend a helping hand--and offer before being asked.

12. Exercise patience.

13. Share whenever possible and think of others, not just yourself.

14. Give up your seat on a train/bus to someone in need.

15. Run--don't saunter--to the morning school bus. Cars are waiting for you.

16. Open doors for others.

17. Greet friends at the door and walk them to it when they're leaving.

18. Never forget to say "Excuse me" whenever called for.

19. Say "please" when making requests/asking favors.

20. Always show your gratitude by saying "thank you."

And, having said all that, please make the writing of thank you notes a must—not an option. Following the December 27, 2005 USA Today headline, “Whatever happened to thank-you notes?” Olivia Barker wrote, “The trend is a reflection of how Americans’ short attention spans and electronically wired lives—combined with a diminished mindfulness of etiquette—have made the USA, well, a pretty ungrateful nation.” No bragging rights there, but together we can reverse this woeful trend. Will it be worth the effort? You bet!! Earl Nightengale put it this way: “Our rewards in life will always be in direct proportion to the amount of consideration we show toward others.” Sounds promising, don’t you think?

"I think children who have attentive parents learn from their parents all kinds of behaviors. Everything from good table manners--which count by the way--to how to be a good husband or wife. I think children take their example from their parents even when they don't realize they're doing it." ~ Cokie Roberts, journalist