An opportunity to say thank you...with all my heart ...To God , to my brother Jesuits and to You.

THE LAUNCHING OF
YAYEE 5—WHERE IS GOD?
By Arsenio C Jesena, SJ 9/14/08



In 1959, the Jesuits took the risk of accepting me. ….

Almost half a century ago. During that time, I was on leave for several years.
The rest of the time, I was on villa.

Oh, I do remember…now and then I also went out…to cut sugarcane…and be ordained by the Pope…to teach Latin and give good retreats. To engage in a little activism and be with many peasant farmers and people in pain...to dry some tears and heal some wounds.

To search for myself and my home and finally to search for, and listen… listen to God… And write 5 books.

Fifty long years. Of being human.


Today you and I are here to launch my book, “YAYEE 5 –WHERE IS GOD?” Today is also my birthday, my 68th birthday.

I would like to use this opportunity to say thank you….thank you…with lall my heart..
TO GOD
TO MY BROTHER JESUITS
AND TO Y O U.


THANK YOU…TO GOD…TO THE JESUITS…AND TO YOU.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.


(IN MANILA)…. WHEN A JESUIT DIES, HE IS BURIED…IN A LITTLE CEMETERY AT THE BACK OF THE JESUIT NOVITIATE IN NOVALICHES.

IN THAT LITTLE CEMETERY MY JESUIT BROTHERS AND TEACHERS AND FRIENDS ARE BURIED. AND WHEN I DIE, WHEN I DIE, THAT IS WHERE THEY WILL ALSO BURY ME. AND THERE, LIKE JOEY VELASCO VISITING FATHER ABESAMIS, YOU, AND YOU WILL PERHAPS. NOW AND THEN, ALSO VISIT ME.


BURIED IN THAT LITTLE CEMETERY OF THE SOCIETY OF JESUS ARE HER BELOVED SONS…WHO LONG AGO LEFT FAMILY AND HOME AND EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING … TO BE JESUIT.

AND YET THE ONLY THING YOU WILL SEE, THE ONLY THING YOU WILL SEE ON THE LAPIDA OF THE GRAVES… ARE THE NAMES OF THOSE BURIED THERE, AND THEN, THREE DATES—NATUS, INGRESSUS, OBIIT -- BIRTHDAY, ENTRANCE TO THE JESUIT ORDER, AND DEATH.

THAT IS ALL. THAT IS ALL

NOTHING ELSE.

YES. THE JESUIT CEMETERY.IT IS A NICE LITTLE CEMETERY AND IT IS GRACED BY THE SUN AND THE RAIN, BUT AFTER YOU BURY ME, I WILL TRULY BE ALONE THERE. ALONE. AND FORGOTTEN.

ARSENIO C. JESENA SJ. Natus 1940. Ingressus 1959. Obiit 2009.
Just that. Only that.

NOT THE REAL ME. NOT THE REAL JUNI JESENA.
NOT THE LIVING, VIBRATING PERSON THAT I WAS. NOT MY INCOMPLETENESS. NOT WHAT COMPLETED ME. NOT WHAT MADE ME LAUGH. NOT WHAT MADE ME CRY.

NOT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED ME .. AND THE PEOPLE WHOM I LOVED.
NOT WHAT WAS IMPORTANT TO ME IN MY LIFE. NOT WHAT I LIVED FOR. NOT WHAT I WOULD GLADLY HAVE DIED FOR.. NOTHING ELSE EXCEPT THOSE UNIMPORTANT, IRRELEVANT DATES...1940 … 1959 … 2009.
BUT THE REAL, LIVING JUNI JESENA…THE PERSON I WAS…THE CRYING, LAUGHING, LIVING JUNI, WOULD BE UNKNOWN. WOULD BE UNKNOWN TO EVERYBODY.UNKNOWN…ESPECIALLY TO THE GREAT GREAT GREATGRANDCHILDREN OF RENE AND XENIA AND PATTY AND MILA AND NATY AND SELENA JESENA.
UNKNOWN …. FORGOTTEN .… FOREVER.

AND THAT, I THINK IS WHY I WROTE MY BOOKS….SO THAT YOU…YES, YOU… WOULD KNOW AND REMEMBER ME...FOREVER.

YES ..THAT IS WHY I WROTE MY BOOKS..
TO UNVEIL, TO REVEAL…MY HEART.
AND TO SHARE IT WITH YOU….
TO TELL YOU MY STORY…
TO GENTLY SAY TO THE WORLD, AND ESPECIALLLY TO YOU, WHOM I LOVE, OH SILENTLY AND SO DEEPLY… ‘HERE….IS JUNI…THIS IS JUNI CAJILI JESENA…
CRAZY. LOVABLE. SINFUL. SAINTLY. HUMAN. JUNI.
AND HERE, TOO, IS THE GOD OF JUNI. THE GOD WHO LOVED, AND HEALED HIM…AND HERE THE PEOPLE …THE PRECIOUS PEOPLE ...WHO LOVED JUNI JESENA, AND WHOM HE LOVED.’
THE BOOK YAYEE IS JUNI. MY BOOK … IS ME.


MY FRIENDS… LONG LONG AGO … MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR … FATHER JAMES DONELAN sj TAUGHT ME TO WRITE, AND TO WRITE WHAT IS TRUE
AND WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND WHAT IS GOOD.

AND WHAT…MY FRIENDS…WHAT HAVE BEEN TRUE AND BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD IN MY LIFE?

#1. GOD. GOD AND HIS INFINITE MERCY AND COMPASSION , HIS FORGIVENESS, AND HEALING AND GRACE…AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN SEARCHING FOR ME, SEEKINGME OUT, INVITING ME AND GENTLY GUIDING ME BACK HOME…TO HIM…AND TO MY REAL HOME…TO MY REAL HOME.

#2. THE SOCIETY OF JESUS -- MY BROTHER JESUITS.

#3. YOU. YOU. YOU…AND EVERY HUMAN BEING WHOM GOD PLACED ALONG MY PATH -- THE SAKADAS…THE LUMADS… AND YAYEE AND HEIDI AND JOHNNY AND PATRICIA MAE AND LEON NIBAL AND BOBBY TIROL AND AMY AND ASAN AND CISCO AND RAY MILLER AND ART SHEA AND HERNANDO MACEDA AND JAMES REUTER.

AND IGGY AND KARINA AND CELESTE AND KENKOY AND RICHARD LEONARD AND TONY MELOTO AND PAGSI AND SIMEON REYES AND JAIME BULATAO AND CARLOS ABESAMIS AND CECILE RUIZ AND JOEY VELASCO AND ALICE CHAN……

YES, EVERYONE…EVERYONE…EVERYONE..DIVINELY-DISGUISED…AN AVATAR, AN INCARNATION OF JESUS CHRIST THE SON OF GOD.

WOMEN AND MEN,…PERSONS LIKE YOU….AND…. YOU… AND.. YOU
……ALL PERSONS…IN NEED OF GOD..IN NEED OF LOVE…IN NEED OF HOME..

IN NEED...EVEN …OF ME.



TODAY, MY 68TH BIRTHDAY, AS I SALUTE THE VULNERABIL;ITY AND THE NEEDINESS, THE WEAKNESS, THE FAILURE, THE INCOMPLETENESS OF EVERY HUMAN BEING, I ALSO SALUTE, AT PRECISELY THE SAME TIME, I ALSO SALUTE THE HERO, THE GOD, PRESENT AND WAITING IN EVERY MAN AND WOMAN IN THIS SORRY WORLD OF OURS.

CLAIM THEN, MY FRIENDS…CLAIM… AND SUMMON THIS WONDERFUL DIVINITY, ENLIVENED AND EMPOWERED BY JESUS CHRIST’S RESURRECTION…
TO RISE TO THE SURFACE…AND TO GRADUALLY TAKE OVER OUR WHOLE SELVES…AND ALLOW THIS DIVINE MIRACLE OF LIFE…AND LOVE.

WE SIMPLY.. YET.. DESPERATELY HAVE TO BELIEVE IN GOD AND GOD’S GRACE, AND TO FULLY SEE OUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS IN THEIR PAIN,
IN GREATER PAIN THAN WE ARE.

THEY NEED HELP, AND THEY NEED US. AND WE NEED THEM.

AND THEN, AND THEN, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, FROM THE ASHES OF OUR HUMANNESS AND DEATH, GOD, OUR FATHER-MOTHER, WILL CALL FORTH A STRANGE , UNEXPECTED BEING –

A NOBLE HERO, A HUMAN DIVINITY THAT CHOOSES TO LIVE, SO THAT OTHERS MAY LIVE.

YOU AND I, WE BECOME TRULY OURSELVES, AND TRULY ALIVE, WE BECOME NOBLE HEROES, AS PLANNED AND DESTINED BY GOD, WHEN WE REALIZE THAT OTHERS NEED US … KALULUOY SILA…

WE BECOME OUR DEEPEST AND DIVINE SELVES WHEN WE REALIZE
THAT OUR BEING AND OUR DESTINY IS TO DIE, SO THAT OTHERS MIGHT LIVE…BECAUSE…BECAUSE… WE ARE ALL ONE…WE ARE ALL ONE.

AND BY THE EXAMPLE AND GRACE OF GOD, WE ARE ALL EMPOWERED
TO TRULY HELP AND TO GIVE LIFE TO ONE ANOTHER.


MY DEAR FRIENDS.
TODAY. RIGHT NOW. WE CAN BEGIN AGAIN.
YES. LET US BEGIN AGAIN.

AND AS IN TRUTH WE INSIST, : “OH LORD, I AM NOT WORTHY!”
GOD AT THE VERY SAME TIME DECLARES, “YOU ARE MY BELOVED CHILD -- IN YOU I AM WELL-PLEASED…YOU ARE MY BELOVED CHILD -- IN YOU I AM WELL-PLEASED.”

WE HAVE THIS CELEBRATION SO I COULD THANK GOD, AND THE JESUITS, AND YOU.

AND THE INFINITELY-PRECIOUS BIRTHDAY GIFT THAT I AM NOW RECEIVING IS THIS--TO EXPERIENCE THE REALITY THAT I AM LOVED — BY GOD, BY THE JESUITS, AND BY YOU.


O FATHER OF MERCY AND LIFE AND LOVE…
WE PRAISE YOU. WE THANK YOU. AMEN.





Arsenio C. Jesena, sj
Ateneo de Manila
Sept. 14, 2008