Maybe , the prodigal eagle is your story too...

THE PRODIGAL EAGLE



MR. PAGSI said, “My daughter Stella told me the story. It went something like this: One day, a teen-age girl was taking a walk with her Mom, when all of a sudden she said, “You know, Mommy, if I could only change myself, I would like to be an EAGLE... so I could fly...and go far, far, away”.

Then the mother said, “My dear, if you would change yourself into an EAGLE, so you could fly, and go far, away... then... I only want to be a TREE... only a TREE... so YOU would always have a HOME, so you would always have a HOME to come home to.”

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My friends, every time I remember that story of Mr. Pagsi and Stella Pagsanghan, I am moved to tears.

For the story of the teenage girl and the eagle, and the forgiving mother, the ever-welcoming tree - - is MY story, and the story of ALL mankind. The human and universal story of SIN, and FORGIVENESS, and LOVE.

Let us study first the GIRL and the EAGLE, then the MOTHER and the TREE.

The teenage girl would like to be an eagle, so she could fly and go far away. This, the Psychologist would tell us, is a very clear indication of the teenage girl’s deep-seated desire for FREEDOM. For right now she feels trapped, inhibited, deprived, and suffocated by rules and home and parents and social taboos. And she craves to escape, to assert her freedom, to discover and carve our her identity.


That girl is very much like me. Perhaps very much like you, too. For we all feel caged, imprisoned, chained by the prison that is fear, and guilt, and religion, and social expectations. We are paralyzed and castrated by our fear of society, and the ostracism and rejection of our family and our church.

And so, deep, deep within us we long to experience the forbidden, and we hunger for the adventure and the excitement of being someone who is truly free. We leave our home, we forsake our principles and conscience. We know that to be alive is to be free, and to be free is to choose whatever WE want, right now, and so we reject our ideals, our training, our common sense. And we become unbridled, and we become wild.

Maybe it is a hunger, not just for freedom. Maybe it is a hunger for love and even for personal identity. For acceptance, for self-assertion. A hunger to be truly alive, and because I am not here to be a martyr, to suffer and wither and die, then, my needs and desires must be acknowledged. Hence we make our choices, and we do what we do, because it is good for us, because without it, we are nothing, and we cannot survive. We think we cannot survive.

We do not sin because we love to sin. We sin because we love.

Because we love, like the Prodigal Son we take away everything, and we leave our home, and we go -- to a far-away country.

But the ecstasy does not last. The flesh goes weary. The excitement grows limp. Our entire being starves. There is famine in the far-away country. There is famine within us. And we long to fill our bellies with the husks the pigs are eating, but no one gives us anything.

And the mighty eagle, which has flown far, far away, is fallen. And you and I, proud and foolish eagles that we are, are ruined, abandoned by all.




Let us think of that teenage girl. Who wanted to be an eagle. She is now a fallen eagle. No, they did not really care for her, or respect her, or love her. They just tasted her, they just used her, for she was the flavor of the month, and she was available. Now her beauty is gone. She is dirty, and ugly. She is no more.

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You and I -- we are all like the teenage girl, who longs to be an eagle, and fly far, far away. And GOD... GOD is like the loving MOTHER, who only wants to be a TREE, so that WE will ALWAYS have a HOME to come home to.

For when we fly high, and go far, far away, to taste and enjoy the forbidden fruit, we WILL finally end up hurt, and wounded, taste and, and abandoned by all. Rejected, and hated, even by OURSELVES.

Like a once-proud, defiant eagle after a punishing hurricane, its bristling feathers now soaked, disheveled, and impotent, its muscles weary, its bones broken, its whole being despicable, its heart screaming for rest, for help, for -- death, we are left all alone, with no one to love us. No heart, no home, no nest to welcome us.

And then we hear the gentle, loving voice of the Mother. “I only want to be a tree, so you will always have a home to come to. No dream, no ambition for my own self. Nothing for me, everything for you. Because you need help, my whole life, my entire universe is you... and for you. I only want to be a tree, so you will always have a home to come home to.”

“My Child -- I love you. No need for you to look good, not even to be good; just be yourself. No need to explain the past. No need to narrate your sins. No need to grovel in shame. No need to be crushed by guilt. No need to confess in public. Just be here, and feel the warmth of home. Of course I forgive you. Do not dwell in the past, do not hate yourself, don’t despair. Just live, and heal, and be well again, my child. I am just so very happy that you are back. And when you are ready, when you are ready, we can begin again. Yes. Let us begin again.”

WHAT MORE need be said? Love is like that. Mother is like that. And GOD, above all, is like that.

And we, the Prodigal Eagle... now chastened, but now warmed and healed by forgiving love, and perhaps resting by the window on some lazy afternoon, the realization finally comes to us... how sinful and selfish we have been, and how good and loving and forgiving GOD, our Mother-Father is.....

GOD.. JESUS CHRIST. Understanding me. Accepting me. Healing me.

Forgiving me. Loving ME. Totally.

Thank you, O Lord, for saving me... thank you, thank you, thank you.
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And thank you, Mr. Pagsi, and thank you, Stella, for your beautiful, beautiful story about the Prodigal Eagle... my story , OUR STORY.




juni jesena, sj