The painting entitled “ANG KAMAY” — “THE HAND” is so simple. So beautiful. So challenging. So silently eloquent. So true .

“ANG K A M A Y”



Whenever I am fortunate enough to bring a Retreat group of professionals or students to the Sacred Heart Novitiate in Novaliches, I always begin by requesting the holy Jesuit Novices to help me find the painting entitled “ANG KAMAY” — “THE HAND”.

This painting is often lost, carelessly sequestered, then forgotten, to gather dust in some dark bodega somewhere in the Novitiate.

I value this painting. It portrays my whole Retreat. And it portrays me. And you.

Let me tell you about this painting.

It was created by a Jesuit Novice many years ago. This Novice was that humble, holy man — Manoling Francisco. The same gifted soul who created musical masterpieces like “Hindi Kita Malilimutan”, “Sa ‘yo Lamang” and a hundred other beautiful songs — that same inspired genius created the painting, “ANG KAMAY”.

The painting is so simple. So beautiful. So challenging. So true . And it is so wonderfully, so silently eloquent. For the painting portrays — US. It encapsulates — life, its tragedy, its redemption, its death, its return to life, its ultimate victory.

It paints — oh, so many things: (1) God’s invitation to you; (2) Your journey to God; (3) The beauty, the nobility, — the divinity of sharing and giving and loving. And finally it pictures: (4) Your pilgrimage, your personal human destiny. ; (5) and the invitation to RESPOND in LOVE to LOVE.




The Colors of “Ang Kamay”. The bottom area of the painting is very dark, almost black. But as you look higher, you will notice that painting gradually grows brighter. And the lively streams of bright colors streak out and reach out into a brilliant symphony of red and orange and crimson and gold, until they reach the intensity and the beauty and the eloquence and the power of a glorious, magnificent, perfect sunset: A divine masterpiece of God’s ineffable art !!

But that is only the BACKGROUND. Only the colors.

Let us now focus on the PICTURE, the PAINTING. The painting itself —is that of a hand, a kamay.

Follow me in your imagination, and contemplate the painting of Manoling Francisco.

At the bottom of the painting, cradled by dark, sad colors, is a HAND — a hand that is closed in a fist.

And then you see that same hand opening… gradually opening. Until it completely blossoms out — into an Open Hand (like a red rose blooming).

Now let us study The Three Stages of our Kamay.

STAGE ONE - The Closed Fist; STAGE 2 – The fist gradually opening; and STAGE 3 – The totally opened hand.


STAGE 1: THE FIST

Please close your hand. Make a fist. Your hand is strong. It is secure. It is safe. With that fist you can punch hard. You can strike — at your enemy! And at the world. And no one can grab your thumb or any of your fingers and twist it — or break it, or cause it pain.



You are ALONE here, and you are SAFE. Your deepest, primordial, instinctive needs are SECURE — your identity, your survival, your self- preservation. You are FREE — to do your own thing — and you can build and INCREASE — and PROTECT your own Personal Kingdom.

Stage One — Your Kamay is closed in a Strong Fist. And you are SAFE.

BUT MY FRIENDS, MY FRIENDS, WITH YOUR HAND CLOSED YOU CANNOT — YOU CANNOT SHAKE HANDS IN FRIENDSHIP — YOU CANNOT DRY THE TEARS — YOU CANNOT SHARE YOUR FOOD, YOU CANNOT TENDERLY CARESS, NOR SERVE YOUR MOTHER OR YOUR LOVER — OR YOUR BABY — OR THE HUNGRY, BEGGING STREET CHILDREN, REACHING OUT TO YOU FOR HELP.

Yes, you are indeed SAFE. But you are merely closed in — on yourself. ALONE.

STAGE 2: THE OPENING HAND.

Your hand is now HALFWAY OPEN. You venture out. You test the waters. You hesitate. You cannot yet let go. Your hand is halfway open but HALFWAY CLOSED. You ask a thousand questions. What am I doing? What do I get out of it? Am I safe? Am I secure? What will happen to my precious kingdom? What will happen to me? What about my FUTURE? My CAREER? My FAMILY? I’VE WORKED HARD TO REACH MY THRONE! – I must not lose it.

AND WHY should I be involved? Why be concerned? Why be endangered?

MARTYRDOM — HEROISM — INSANITY — are not necessary for salvation!!!

Mother Teresa — Mother Teresa is Dead!!!

But —-

The grace of God, the initiative of God, the patience of God, the call, the challenge, the example, the forgiveness, the healing, the nearness of God, and His son, JESUS — THEY ARE ALWAYS HERE WITH US. ALWAYS.

Gently calling. Gently waiting.

Whispering. Singing. Giving light. Giving strength. “Come. Come. They need you. WE need you. Come HOME. COME HOME.”

The seed of nobility and greatness is in EVERYONE of us. It was for this that we are born — to love! And to share!!!

This HEROISM is what it means to be human. To be a member of the FAMILY OF MAN — the FAMILY OF GOD.

And so — hesitantly, tardily, yet TRUSTINGLY — we open our HAND —and our HEART — to

STAGE 3: THE OPEN HAND

Friends, open your hand, please.


When you open your hand like that, and when you tell your God, your loved one or your child, “I love you” — are you GIVING? Or are you RECEIVING? Or both giving and receiving?

That open-hand position — that situation is very DANGEROUS, for you are so DEFENCELESS — you are so VULNERABLE. Anybody now can grab your finger, and twist it and break it. In that position, you can, you will, get hurt. You can, you will, feel the pain. You can, you will, LOSE ALL. Yet now you can FORGIVE, you can CARESS. You can HOLD HANDS. You can EMBRACE.

Ah, and now, you can also SHARE your rice — and DRY my tears. You can also GIVE COMPASSION, and what you HAVE, and what you ARE. You can SHARE everything, and you can gently LOVE. You are FREE — totally FREE — to be HUMAN — and lovingly to SAVE: for now, now you can accept the CRUEL NAILS …and scream in AGONY and DIE ! Like Jesus Christ.

But then, also like Jesus Christ, YOU can ALSO experience and enjoy and share the resurrection and the ultimate, transcendent victory and glory of the Brother of Man and the Son of God!!!

My friends, let us look at our open HAND, our KAMAY, our KAMOT and see the HAND of CHRIST the CRUCIFIED — and CHRIST, RISEN from the dead. JESUS, The Brother of Man. JESUS, The Son of God.

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J E R R Y

Down the hill in front of you is a cemetery.

And if you search very carefully, you will find the burial place of JEROME VILLANUEVA ALABANZA.

Jerry. Jerry Alabanza.

Thirty-nine years ago we left everything — we left everything —to join the Jesuits.

The Second-Year Jesuit Novices who welcomed us — were your friends — SUPERSTARS, even then — Bro. Antonio Samson, Bro. Edmundo Martinez, Bro. Antonio Lambino — SUPERSTARS, even then !

There were seventeen of us Postulants accepted in that year — 1959. Of the seventeen, only two, only two — finished and were ordained, Fr. George Esguerra — yes of Davao — and I, Juni Jesena.

Bro. Jerry Alabanza lasted seven years with the Jesuits.

Jerry did not know enough Latin. And not enough Greek. And he did not know enough English Literature and enough Scholastic Philosophy. Not enough Existentialism and not enough Phenomenology.

And so in 1966, Jerry Alabanza had to leave the Society of Jesus.


Tinimbang ka nguni’t kulang.
Tinimbang ka nguni’t kulang.
Nguni’t kulang. Kulang. Kulang.


AND HE WAS MURDERED ONE YEAR LATER.


* * * * * * *

Very often, during this Retreat, I look out the window, and I think of the cemetery down there.

And I REMEMBER Jerry Alabanza, my co-worker, my partner, my brother for seven years.

And I REMEMBER how he did not know enough Latin and not enough Greek and not enough Philosophy, and had to leave the Jesuits.

And I REMEMBER too how among all of us, among all of us, it was JERRY ALABANZA — it was JERRY ALABANZA — WHO WAS THE MOST GENEROUS, THE MOST TRUSTING, THE MOST HARDWORKING, THE MOST GIVING, THE MOST BUKAS-PALAD —THE MOST BUKAS-PALAD OF US ALL.

Unlike so many of us, who had the ERUDITION to REMAIN JESUIT, Jerry did not have his hand closed in a tight fist of control and scheming selfishness.

It was not even halfway closed and halfway open in mercenary, measured mediocrity.

No, his hand — it was always open.

And THE FATHER asked for everything. And Jerry — Jerry gave everything. Everything. And then he had — NOTHING.

After the FEAR of INADEQUACY and the ANGUISH of INCOMPLETENESS — the SHAME of REJECTION.

“FATHER, FATHER, WHY — WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?”

“FATHER, FATHER, WHY — WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?”

Only DEATH — THE END OF LIFE — REMAINED.

And God, our Loving Father — He took that, too, from Jesus….. From Jerry.


“Father, into Thy hands I commend my spirit.”

“I have come” — Jesus Christ said — “to do the WILL OF MY FATHER.”

+ + +

My brothers, my sisters, my partners, my friends — maybe, maybe, when we die, GOD our JUDGE and our LOVING FATHER — God will not really care about the Latin and the Greek and the Philosophy in our life.

Maybe He will not even notice if there is an “S.J.” — if there is an “S.J.” after our name.

Maybe, maybe he will just ask: “MY CHILD, MY CHILD – in your lifetime — WAS YOUR HAND OPEN? WAS YOUR HAND OPEN?

OPEN — to share, to sacrifice, to love ?
OPEN — for my people ?
OPEN — like your BROTHER JESUS ?

+ + + + +

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.


arsenio c. jesena, s.j.