Do we really know what it means?

L. S. D.



Is this a parable? A myth? A fantasy? Or the real thing.

Last night, YANNI showed me this entry from his secret journal.

“AND WE WHEN WE REACHED THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN, WE EXPERIENCED LSD.”

He was my friend, JN was. So I was convinced he would never do anything to hurt me -- because he was my friend.

And so, when he proposed that we climb up a mountaintop and spend the whole night there, AND TAKE LSD, I thought it over, and finally agreed, because JN, he was my friend, and he would never do anything to hurt me.

We climbed up the mountain – there were four of us, and we had double jackets, and thick blankets, and when we had squatted in front of our bonfire on the mountaintop JN said, “The LSD will heighten your sensibilities, and you will see the light, and you will receive what you need.” And then he gave us the LSD.

And JN stood up. And kept watch over us. To make sure we did not freak out. And jump from the mountaintop.

I sat on the ground in front of a tree and I huddled inside my thick blanket and I waited for the expected sounds and colors and psychedelic happenings to snatch me away.

And I stared at the distant flames of our bonfire -- the leaping, sparkling, licking flames. Then it was Darkness. Darkness. Darkness. And then I stopped being me.

I was snatched away to another existence or existences, or so JN later told me -- for I shouted like, and screamed like at least five different persons -- I sounded like at least five different persons -- I was not one, -- I was at least five different persons!





And I had five different personalities, and five different voices. Was this the many real me, finally revealed in my multiple personality syndrome? Or the YANNIs of my past lifetimes -- or simply, the solitary YANNI imprisoned by this one lifetime’s multi-faceted demons? -- My name is Legion, for we are many -- did the many YANNIs of past lifetimes -- ram through the barriers of their constricting space and time -- and reassert their existences, and did they claim their legitimate, objective realities and scream their eternal pain through me and in me -- the YANNI of today?

The entire night was a flood vomit and a flood of nausea and a flood of waste matter -- for I, in each of my multiple personalities -- I was very angry. And very hungry. Angry because of the loneliness. And hungry… hungry for love.

Real. Authentic. All in the solitary me. All of the multiple me’s. The entire single me. The entire numerous me’s.

Maybe that was the first time, and the only time those many, pitiful, helpless GENIES escaped from their bottle! And if indeed it is true that GENIES are supposed to be good and to love and to serve, then YANNI’s many Genies, -- horribly, desperately wounded by endless crosses and endless pain, must first be touched and loved and healed before they themselves could be good, and begin to serve and do any genuine loving and serving.

And all night long, each of the lonely agonizing Genie would reach out to the silent, unfeeling distant stars... “HELLO, FRIEND -- WHOEVER YOU ARE….. WHEREVER YOU ARE….. -- I NEED YOU! HELLO, FRIEND, WHOEVER YOU ARE….. WHEREVER YOU ARE -- I NEED YOU !!!”

Was this FANTASY? Or was this TRUTH? I do not know.

I only know I DID have this experience -- this insight -- this release and realization -- that night when JN and another friend and I climbed up to the top of the mountain and took LSD and were shown our true selves….. and our desperate, desperate need for LOVE.


P.S.
And is the meaning of L.S.D.? Maybe, maybe it means.. Love is Stronger than Death. Love is Stronger than Death. And is this fantasy? Or reality.