What happened to the Magic?

Even if the old memories abate, new memories can rise up and replace the old and become new.

When I was a little girl, I remember some the most marvelous holiday memories! I had two sets of grandparents, a great-grandmother, a brother and a mom and dad!!

I remember on Christmas Eve, driving to my grandparent's house. It was always cold, and clear. The stars would be out and it was beautiful. My dad would see an airplane in the sky, (you know, the ones with the red lights?) and he would tell my brother and I that it was Santa Claus and Rudolph on his way to grandma's house, and when we would get there, there would be so many presents under the tree.

The tree was one to remember! It was one of those aluminum trees, with color wheels and styrofoam balls! It was so pretty in the dimly lit living room, and oh so magical!

Before we would open the gifts though, we always had to visit my grandma's next door neighbor. Her name was Ruth and she had polio, and was very disabled. My brother and I loved to visit Ruth, and she always had special gifts for us. Then another of my grandma's neighbors would always call the house, and say that he was Santa Claus!! I used to love those phone calls.

On Christmas morning, my brother and I would always wake up early and run into the living room, and Santa always left gifts for us. A lot of gifts. At that time, I didn't know how the holidays affected my dad. He always had very little money, because he was always laid off right before Christmas, and he lost his mother in '69 4 days after Christmas from Leukemia and Melanoma. I never knew how much this affected my father to the point where he hated the holidays.

Back to the present, Grandma is now gone, grandpa moved out of town, mom has Multiple Sclerosis, my brother has a bad look out on life, and I married someone of the Jewish faith. I long for those days of youthful exuberence, where nothing mattered and everything was magical.

But, I have to realize, I need to make new memories. For my children and for myself. My parent's never want to be involved in my holiday festivities, partly due to lack of money and guilt, and partly due to my mother's illness. If my parent's do come to Thanksgiving at my house, my brother gets upset, because then he feels that they care about me more than him, I would invite my brother but he is prejudiced against my husband. It's just because my house is to small for large family gatherings.

With my mixed marriage, we combine both of our holidays, where I hope that someday, new memories will be remembered by my boys.

I now own the aluminum tree and the color wheels, and the Dining Room set that brings back so many memories of Thanksgiving and Christmas's of the past, where new memories will arise and replace the old memories that will be forever stored in my mind.