The new years diary...

Each January I look at my diary for the coming year. Blank pages waiting for me to fill them with something (actions, ideas, inspirations, reminders, appointments). That empty diary is a beautiful metaphor for the possibilities each new year brings.

An empty diary is a metaphor for a year of exciting possibilities.

I choose what I will do each day, be it working on a novel or taking time to write an article or simply espouse my opinion on the topic of my choice on this website. The constant theme that runs through everything I write, say and do, is a search for the truth.

Each page in the diary awaits my choice of action for that day. It will be a condensed summary of what I achieved and learnt, a track of progress made or unmade.

I also set aside a page on which to list my ambitions for the year. They may be as simple as my family being happy, or as complex as 'getting my first novel published', but they are at least listed there, stated clearly in thought, word and ink--when you've written it down you cannot deny it. To write down your ambitions is to affirm them and commit to them, more so than if they just remained vague hopes drifting through your mind.

However, as noble as all that may sounds, December brings the hideous review of the diary.

There are way too many blank pages in my 2003 diary. And the list of ambitions remains 60% unachieved. This review of the diary is the most depressing act of the year.

Am I going to do the same thing in my new diary, enter lots of hopes, start the year with lots of ambitions, and then allow it all to slide away? No. In 2003 I did achieve a number of successes, and through them I have gained a greater degree of faith in my work--in my ability to share truth, in my ability to share a 'unique' view of the world, and in the degree to which I am able to share my heart. My understanding of myself and the world has changed, grown. I intend to build on that next year.

What I am going to be careful about doing is: making a list of ambitions for that new year that really are achievable and not a list of 'wouldn't it be great if...' I have fulfilled my apprenticeship at the 'what if' roundabout, and endured enough of its let downs.

What I look at, next December, is my choice.

Next December, when I glance through the diary of 2004 I want to see those pages full, I want to see the list of goals ticked off and added to. I want to reach December a richer, wiser, more enlightened BEing, whose novels have been accepted for publication by the perfect publisher.

2004 is going to be a fabulous, brilliant, wonderful year!