So many questions, so little time....

If my body could talk it would say....

"What the F___? Why do I ache all over at the end of the day, and sometimes at the beginning of it? Why do I walk into a room to get something then forget what I went into the room for? What happened to that magnificent mane of auburn hair, who dyed it gray? What are those tiny lines beside my eyes and why are there bags under them? Why did Cajun spice and everything fried suddenly become the enemy? Is there anything short of major surgery that could put my midsection parts back in the pert place they once occupied? Why do I nap half the afternoon and stay awake most of the night? If I turned all the mirrors toward the wall would that make me look younger? Why is crossing the finish line during sex more like a marathon than a sprint? Why are middle aged people looking younger all the time and all of a sudden, the only proof of age people ask for is a medicare card? Grow old gracefully?? There's nothing graceful about torture! God if I'm getting ready to croak please let me have on clean underwear when they take me to the funeral home."